TOWARD AN UNDERSTANDING OF MALE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN

TOWARD AN UNDERSTANDING OF MALE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
By: Thomas “Birdy” McKee

NOTE: This Article was written as a female and simulates the woman’s point of view; all expressions herein listed as those of the more than 50 people spoken to concerning violence given the them by a man, and conversations with convicted rapist; please let the reader bear this in mind while reading the lengthy article.. -Birdy

One man's violence against one woman may seem to result from his individual psychological problems, sexual frustration, unbearable life pressures, or some innate urge toward aggression. Though each of these "reasons" has been used to explain and even justify male violence, they oversimplify a complex reality: men have been taught to relate to the world in terms of dominance and control, and they have been taught that violence is an acceptable method of maintaining control, resolving conflicts, and expressing anger. When a boss sexually harasses an employee, he exerts his power to restrict her freedom to work and improve her position. When a battering husband uses beatings to confine his wife to the home and to prevent her from seeing friends and family or from pursuing outside work, he exerts dominance and control. When men rape women, they act out of a wish to dominate or punish. 1

Whether or not an individual man who commits an act of violence views it as an expression of power is not the point. The fact that so many individual men feel entitled to express their frustration or anger by being violent to so many individual women shows how deeply these lessons of dominance and violence have been learned. 2

Countless daily acts of violence create a climate of fear and powerlessness that limits woman's freedom of action and controls many of the movements of our lives. The threat of male violence continues to keep us from stepping out from behind the traditional roles that we, as women, have been taught. Violence and the threat of violence keep us "in our place."

Now that I am on my own and living free of my abuser, I can see how my life was altered when I was being battered. Little by little, he isolated me from my friends, he convinced me to quit working, he complained about how I kept the house, he kept track of the mileage on the car to make sure that I wasn't going anywhere. Eventually, when the beatings were regular and severe, I had no one to turn to and I felt completely alone.

On the surface, it seems that men benefit from sexism--from this system of male dominance, control, and violence. On a deeper level, we know that sexism harms men as well as women. Sexism, and more specifically violence against women, harms men because it harms the women and girls in their lives and because it keeps them from having positive and loving relationships with women. In recent years, some men have begun to recognize and acknowledge the ways in which relating violently toward women (and other men) harms them. Groups like "Real Men" and "Men to End Sexism" have been working to raise consciousness among other men and to teach men how to be allies of women in the effort to bring an end to violence against women. 3

Race, Class, and Violence Against Women

While violence is often targeted toward us simply because we are women, factors such as race, class, sexual orientation, and age put particular women at greater risk and with less access to resources. Women of color, older women, young women, lesbians, poor and working-class women, and women with disabilities, to name a few, are especially vulnerable to male violence. A married black woman who was fired for refusing to sleep with her supervisor said:

On many occasions Mr. XXX said to me, "For a colored girl, you are intelligent." I told him that if he has to refer to a color or race concerning me, I considered myself "black." He replied, "I don't believe in black or all that stuff. To me you're colored, and that's it." One day he made a comment concerning my, as he called it, "voluptuous" shape. When I asked him politely to discontinue making such comments that include sexual overtures, he replied, "Why not? For a colored, you're very stacked, light-skinned, and pretty."

Too often, services that aim to serve victims of violence are not aware of or do not have sufficient resources to serve the widest range of women. For example, hotlines may be available only in English, police may hold racist attitudes toward women of color, courts may be inaccessible to women who have no telephones or transportation. Often, these institutions reflect society's racism . 4

The man who raped me was white, and the cops here are all white. I didn't report it. I just told a few people I trusted. It helped, but I still feel scared, knowing he's out there and that nobody would do anything about it.

Most people take acts of violence less seriously if the woman is "poor," old, or institutionalized; or is a prostitute, a lesbian, or a woman with physical or mental disabilities. This is true for all women whose "male protectors" are nonexistent, invisible, or socially less powerful than other men. Older women have less freedom to fight sexual harassment at their jobs or to leave a battering husband, partly because age discrimination means they might not easily find other ways of supporting themselves.

Acts of violence against women are sometimes particularly motivated by racism, homophobia, or religious bias. These hate crimes can include beatings and verbal harassment (using ugly epithets) and vandalism of sacred spaces such as synagogues, churches, or cemeteries. Like other forms of violence against women, hate crimes can also include death threats, sexual assault, and murder. Perpetrators include white supremacist and neo-Nazi groups that attack people of color or Jewish people because of their intense hatred for these people. Open lesbians have been raped by men or groups of men angry at their social independence or because lesbians do not want them sexually.8 Victims of hate crimes often experience intense fear and isolation, humiliation, and increased feelings of internalized self-hatred. 5

I guess the worst part of all this is feeling baffled by hate. Why--is the question that keeps running through my head. What have I done to deserve this?

Many states have specific laws about hate crimes.

Blaming the Victim

The most common emotional responses to sexual harassment, battering, and rape are guilt, fear, powerlessness, shame, betrayal, anger, and denial. Guilt is often the first and deepest response. Anger may arise only later; this is not surprising, because as women we often have no sense of a right to be free from these kinds of violence. 6

We may feel guilty about violence done to us because we are taught that our job is to make men happy, and if they aren't, we--not they--are to blame. Many of us heard from our parents, "Boys will be boys, so girls must take care"--the message being that we can avoid unwanted male attention if only we are careful enough. If anything goes wrong, it must be our fault. 7 Blaming the victim releases the man who commits violence from the responsibility for what he has done. Friends or family may blame the victim in order to feel safe themselves: "She got raped because she walked alone after midnight. I'd never do that, so rape won't happen to me."

WOMEN ARE NOT GUILTY FOR VIOLENCE COMMITTED BY MEN ON OUR BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT. THIS VIOLENCE HAPPENS BECAUSE OF MEN'S GREATER POWER AND THEIR MISUSE OF THAT POWER.

Sexual Harassment

Sexual harassment is any unwanted sexual attention a woman experiences. It includes leering, pinching, patting, repeated comments, subtle suggestions of a sexual nature, and pressure for dates. Sexual harassment can occur in any situation where men have power over women: welfare workers with clients, doctors with patients, police officers with women members of a police force, or teachers with students. In the workplace, the harasser may be an employer, a supervisor, a co-worker, a client, or a customer. 8 Sexual harassment can escalate; women who are being sexually harassed are at risk of being physically abused or raped. Consider these facts:

* According to the U.S. Department of Labor, some 50 to 80% of women in the U.S. experience some form of sexual harassment during their academic or work lives. 9
* In a survey of girls in middle schools and high schools that was distributed in Seventeen, 83% of the girls who responded reported instances of sexual harassment in school. 10

Joan is a 43-year-old black woman who works as a waitress in a bar and restaurant. She often feels isolated, as many of her co-workers are white and have racist attitudes. A customer who comes in every day begins to flirt with Joan, making suggestive comments about her clothing and physical appearance. Unnerved by his comments, she tries not to show it because she doesn't want to lose any tip money. Often he grabs at her and touches her when she walks by. She feels so anxious at work that her stomach hurts, and she starts to call in sick more and more. She knows she needs to figure something out or she'll eventually lose her job.

One 16-year-old girl described her experience:

It came to the point where I was skipping almost all of my classes, therefore getting me kicked out of the honors program. I dreaded school each morning, I started to wear clothes that wouldn't flatter my figure, and I kept to myself. I'd cry every night when I got home, and I thought I was a loser....Sometimes the teachers were right there when it was going on. They did nothing....I felt very angry that these arrogant, narrow-minded people never took the time to see who really was inside.11

Sexual harassment is a powerful way for men to undermine and control us. Attitudes of race and class superiority can result in a feeling by white men that they are entitled to sexually harass women of color or employees from a "lower" class or different background. There is an implicit (and sometimes explicit) message that our refusal to comply with the harasser's demands will lead to work-related reprisals. These can include escalation of harassment; poor work assignments; sabotaging of projects; denial of raises, benefits, or promotion; and sometimes the loss of the job with only a poor reference to show for it. Harassment can drive women out of a particular job or out of the workplace altogether.

Socializing at work too often includes flirting or joking about sex. Although it may be a pleasant relief from routine or a way to communicate with someone we are interested in, this banter can become insulting or demeaning. It becomes sexual harassment when it creates a hostile, intimidating, or pressured working environment.

There is such a taboo in many workplaces and schools against identifying sexual harassment for what it is that many of us who experience it are at first aware only of feeling stressed. We may experience headaches, anxieties, or resistance to going to work in the morning. It may take us a while to realize that these symptoms come from our being sexually harassed. We often respond by feeling isolated and powerless, afraid to say no or to speak out because we fear either that we somehow are responsible or that we won't receive help in facing possible retaliation. But when we take the risk and talk with other women, we often find that they are being harassed, too (or have been), and have similar responses to ours.

What You Can Do If You Are Sexually Harassed

Every instance of sexual harassment is different. The strategy you choose will depend on many factors, including how much you can afford to risk losing your job and whether you feel you can get support from your co-workers. Race and class differences may also affect how you respond, partly because these differences in a workplace can isolate workers from one another. As you think about whether and how you might respond to sexual harassment, here are some things to consider:

* Remember that you are not to blame. Sexual harassment is imposed sexual attention. No matter how complicated the situation is, the harasser is responsible for the abuse.
* Document what happens. Keep a detailed diary including dates, times, and places. Save any notes or pictures from the harasser--don't throw them away in anger. Keep a record of anyone who witnessed the harassment.
* Investigate your workplace or school policy and grievance procedure for sexual harassment cases. Know its overall records before you act.
* Generate support for yourself before you take action: Break the silence, talk with others, and ask for help in working out a response.
* Look for others who have been harassed who can act with you. Collective action and joint complaints strengthen your position. Try to use organizations that already exist, such as your union or employee organization, or an advocacy organization for your particular racial or ethnic group.
* Let the harasser know as directly and explicitly as possible that you are not interested in his attentions. If you do this in writing, keep a copy of your letter.

Domestic Violence/Battering

Battering, often referred to as domestic violence, is one of the most common and least reported crimes in the world. Battering happens to women of every age, race, class, and nationality. It is done by the men we marry or date who beat us; by our sons and nephews who bully us and slap us around; and by male relatives who verbally harass and degrade us.

Battering takes many forms and includes a range of threatening and harmful behavior. It may take the form of verbal and emotional abuse, with the direct or implied threat of violence. Battering may include control of finances and one's physical freedom. It includes the destruction of objects and harm to pets. Battering may involve severe and frequent beatings or may happen occasionally. It may include slapping, punching, choking, kicking, or hitting with objects. Stalking can be a part of battering, especially if the woman has left the relationship. Battering may escalate to sexual assault and can ultimately end in murder. Battering can happen in new relationships at the dating stage and may continue into our elder years. As time passes, battering tends to increase in frequency and severity.
Domestic Violence

I have had glasses thrown at me. I have been kicked in the abdomen, kicked off the bed, and hit while lying on the floor—while I was pregnant. I have been whipped, kicked and thrown, picked up and thrown down again.

I have been slapped for saying something about politics, having a different view about religion, for swearing, for crying, for wanting to have intercourse.

I have been threatened when I wouldn't do something I was told to do.

I have been threatened when he's had a bad day—when he's had a good day.

Bringing an end to domestic violence is especially difficult because the men who batter us are also the men with whom we have been close or intimate, perhaps the fathers of our children. We may still be bound by strong feelings of love and loyalty. We may remain at home not only because the men physically stop us from leaving but also because we hope that the violent behavior will change.

Before I left I used to say, "Yeah, he punched and kicked me, but I'd said something to make him mad." Or "He only hits me when I argue." Now I see that everyone has a right to get angry - it's natural—but he had no right to express his anger so violently, to hurt me.

An all-too-common question asked about women who are battered is "Why do they stay?" This question itself takes the focus off of the real question, which is "Why does he beat her?" Battered women do not remain in the relationship because we enjoy the battering. We may feel trapped and unable to leave. Battering often escalates at the point of separation, and we may actually feel safer staying. If we have children, we may feel that we won't be able to support ourselves and our children if we leave. People whom we turn to for support--clergy, police, friends, family--may be uninformed about battering and may not take the situation seriously. We may know about the existence of shelters for battered women but may feel that moving to a shelter in a new neighborhood or city will cause too much upheaval for us or for our children (who may have to change schools while we take shelter). We may be afraid to leave if we believe our immigration status is dependent on the "good will" of the batterer. If we have been living with abuse for a long time we may be so worn down emotionally that we simply can't imagine a way out.

I went early in our marriage to a clergyman, who after a few visits told me that my husband meant no real harm, he was just confused and felt insecure. Things continued. I turned this time to a doctor. I was given little pills to relax me and told to take things easier. I was "just too nervous." I turned to a friend, and when her husband found out, he accused me of either making things up or exaggerating the situation. She was told to stay away from me.

Many battered women have had similar experiences of being challenged, patronized, or told that our problems are insignificant. In the face of such inexcusable treatment we must remember that NO WOMAN DESERVES TO BE BEATEN OR VERBALLY ABUSED. EVERY WOMAN DESERVES TO HAVE HER STORY TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

The Impact of Domestic Violence on Children

Children who do not see their mothers abused but who hear her screams and crying, the abuser's threats, sounds of the impact of fists hitting flesh, glass breaking, wood splintering, or cursing and degrading language do witness the abuse.12

The effects of growing up in the midst of domestic violence can be devastating for children. Children of battered women are very likely to be battered themselves. They live in constant fear and are often torn physically and emotionally between their adult caretakers: they may develop severe physical and emotional responses to the violence, including symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Children of domestic violence learn that violence is an appropriate way to resolve conflicts, and they are likely to live out their childhood experiences of violence in their adult relationships and in their relationships with their own children.13

My very upper-middle-class, WASP father hit my mother drunkenly on an occasional Saturday night. Sunday morning she would explain away her bruises. I lived my whole childhood under this shadow--the possibility of violence, the sounds in the night, and the toll it took on me that she put up with it.

Many battered adult women heard verbal abuse or witnessed battering beginning in their early childhood. Some were physically or sexually abused by the same person who battered their mothers. Under these circumstances, it is easy to understand how we might come to believe the degrading and harmful messages we have received about ourselves. It is easy to understand how we might find ourselves in relationships with men who abuse us verbally and physically.

Most men began to learn violence at an early age. Many men who batter grew up witnessing their fathers abusing their mothers; they may well have been physically or sexually abused as children. They often came of age in families where male dominance was never questioned and where physical punishment "in the name of love" was accepted. When our families teach us to accept male dominance and violence as a way to relate to one another, this message is difficult to defy.

Efforts are beginning in many communities to break the intergenerational cycle of violence that exists in so many families. Often, these begin with community-based programs designed to intervene on behalf of children whose mothers are being beaten. Innovative programs that teach nonviolence and conflict resolution skills to preschoolers are being developed and duplicated in child care centers in diverse communities. Workshops on teen dating violence are being offered to middle- and high-school-age children. All of these efforts aim to teach girls and young women that we have a right to be free from violence and the fear of violence and to teach boys and young men a different way to relate to girls and women and to the world.

Elder Abuse: Battering of Older Women

Just as young children are especially vulnerable to violence from within our families, so too are older women at particular risk of being exploited and battered. In recent years, awareness has grown of the special problems facing older battered women, and this has resulted in special laws protecting elders from abuse in all fifty states.

Women who are battered in old age face many of the same problems as younger adult women struggling with abuse. In addition, we may be physically frail and dependent on the batterer for daily care. The nearest shelter for battered women may not be set up to accommodate our physical abilities. We may well be fearful that if we seek help to end the abuse we will find ourselves forced into a nursing home. If the batterer is a spouse with whom we have lived for many years, it may be especially difficult to contemplate separation or ending the relationship. If the batterer is our adult child, calling for help from a social service agency or the police may simply be unimaginable.

Battered women's activists are becoming increasingly concerned about our ability to respond to older battered women. In addition to the challenge of making sure that our shelter services are physically accessible, there are conflicting mandates for those who serve older battered women. Most elder abuse laws are similar to child abuse laws in that they require service providers to report instances of abuse to public health authorities or social service agencies. This approach to domestic violence against older women may conflict with the deep commitment of the battered women's movement to empowering victims of violence and protecting their right to privacy and confidentiality. Just as the battered women's movement has, from its earliest days, turned to battered women themselves in learning how to respond to domestic violence, so will activists and elder service providers want to listen to older battered women in working out how to meet the challenge of ending violence against elders.

What You Can Do If You Are Being Battered

If you are in a violent relationship right now, there are things you can do that may help you to be safer, to assure the safety of your children, and to work toward ending the relationship if that is what you want to do. There are no right answers for every battered woman. The woman who is being battered knows best whether her actions may work to de-escalate the violence or incite further violence. Overall, your safety can increase the more you become aware, inform others, find support, and implement a safety plan.

During an attack, here are some things you can do to take care of yourself:

* Stay as calm as you possibly can.
* Try to shield yourself, especially your head and stomach.
* If you are able, and if it won't put you at greater risk, call 911 and get emergency assistance.
* Do the best you can to end the attack with the least amount of injury.

Safety Planning

Even if you are still in the situation and see no immediate way out, there are things you can do to plan for your safety:

* Become familiar with your state's laws and legal policies pertaining to domestic violence.
* Find out about restraining orders: how to get them and where to get an advocate if needed.
* Build a support network. Get connected with your local battered woman's service, join a support group, and develop your network of friends.
* Learn and watch for warning signs of your partner's abusive behavior/attitude.
* Teach your children how to call for emergency assistance.
* Think through a safety plan and write it down. Let others know your plans when appropriate.
* If your abuser is drinking or drugging and you can get to Al-Anon meetings (see chapter 3, Alcohol, Tobacco, and Other Mood-Altering Drugs), you may find support and strength to make a change.

Making a safety plan while you are still struggling with a violent partner can help in two ways: First, it can give you a sense of hope in what so often feels like a hopeless situation. Second, it can actually bring you a bit closer to leaving a dangerous situation. There are battered women's service organizations in many communities. Most of these organizations help battered women develop safety plans. Safety plans include steps you can take to increase your own safety and the safety of your children.

There are alternatives to staying in a battering situation. More and more women are leaving men who batter, and they are finding help in making a new life despite economic hardships. Women everywhere have been organizing to help battered women leave abusive situations, to provide shelter and a more responsive legal system. Women have found the courage to tell their stories publicly. WE ARE NOT HELPLESS AND WE ARE NOT ALONE.

Legal Considerations

Men who batter can be prosecuted for crimes such as assault and battery. In addition, special laws protect battered women in all 50 states. These civil abuse prevention laws are very similar from one state to another. They give battered women the ability to go to a local court to obtain immediate protective orders against the batterer. Protective orders, often called restraining orders, can have several parts: They can order the batterer to stay away from us and our children; they can give us legal custody of the children; they can have a provision under which the batterer is ordered to pay support for us and our children. In addition to abuse prevention orders, more and more states are enacting anti-stalking laws. Recognizing that we are often at greater risk right after we leave the batterer, these laws impose criminal sanctions against a batterer who continues to harass us even after we have left.

As a woman struggling to bring an end to battering, you are the only one who can decide whether or not to use your state's abuse prevention law. Some men are intimidated enough by the legal system to be stopped by a court order. If this is so, obtaining a court order may actually bring you a measure of safety. In some men, the tendency toward violence is so deep that no court order will stop them. In these instances, going to court may actually make you and your children less safe. Working on a safety plan with a counselor at your area battered women's program will help you make this difficult decision.

Whatever you do, it is important to remember that you are the best judge of your own needs.

SAFETY PLANNING
Increasing Safety While in the Relationship

* Carry important phone numbers for yourself and your children (police, hospital, friends, battered woman's program) and a cellular phone or beeper if you can afford one.
* Find someone to tell about the abuse and develop a signal for distress. Ask neighbors to call the police if they hear noise of a violent episode.
* Think of four places where you can go if you leave in a hurry.
* Get specific items ready to take if you leave.
* Keep change for phone calls, open your own bank account, rehearse an escape route.
* Periodically review your safety plan and update it.

What to Take with You If You Decide to Leave

Money, checkbook, bank cards, credit cards; identification, driver's license, and car registration; birth certificates, Social Security cards, welfare identification; passport, immigration card, work permit; divorce or other court papers; school and medical records; house deed, mortgage; insurance papers and policies; medications and refill instructions; change of clothes.

Increasing Safety After You Leave

* If you have joint bank accounts, withdraw some money or transfer to a private account.
* Use different routes as you go home, to work, or to your daily tasks.
* Tell the people who care for your children who has permission to pick them up, and warn them if you think the batterer may attempt to kidnap them.
* At work, tell someone about the abuse and have that person screen your calls. If possible, show other people his picture and instruct them to call the police if he arrives at work.
* Avoid the stores, services, and banks that you know your batterer frequents.
* If it is right for you, get a protective or restraining order. Know what it orders and what would happen if he violates it. Keep it with you at all times.

Sexual Assault

Sexual assault is any kind of sexual activity committed against a woman's will. Whether the rapist uses force or threats of force is irrelevant. Men use different kinds of force against women, from pressuring us for a goodnight kiss to withdrawing economic support from wives to using weapons. Rape is a legal term that is defined slightly differently in each state. Most state laws define rape in terms of penetration, with the use of force, and without the person's consent. Penetration can be with the penis or other instruments like bottles or sticks, and can be perpetrated in the vagina, anus, or mouth.

Sexual assault is always traumatic. When we are raped, survival is our primary instinct, and we protect ourselves as best we can. Some women choose to fight back; others do not feel we can. IF YOU WERE RAPED AND ARE NOW READING THIS CHAPTER, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING BECAUSE YOU ARE ALIVE.

Rape is more likely to be committed by someone we know than by a stranger.15 Contrary to common stereotypes, the vast majority of rapes occur between members of the same racial group.16 Most rapists lead everyday lives, go to school, work, and have families and friends.

Common Reactions of Sexual Assault Survivors

Rape is frequently a private crisis owing to the isolation that many survivors feel because of a lack of support or the tendency of some to blame us. This creates a unique and difficult set of reactions that may also be experienced by women who have been battered, sexually harassed, abused as children, robbed violently, or hurt by other forms of violence. (In fact, sexual assault and battering often go hand in hand.)

While no two women respond in the same way, many feelings are common among survivors. You may experience a wide range of reactions immediately after the assault or years later. You are coping with a difficult situation that never should have happened in the first place. There is no one correct or preferred way to deal with the feelings and reactions you may find yourself having. As you move through a healing process, different reactions may intensify or lose intensity. You may experience feelings that you thought you had already addressed.

Self-blame and feelings of guilt. This is probably one of the most common reactions because of the false yet common myths about rape. We may feel humiliated, ashamed, or embarrassed about what we were forced or coerced to do. We often feel responsible for decisions that we made before the assault that we (or others) may later think led to the assault. Even talking about the sexual assault can be difficult because we risk being disbelieved or rejected. THE TRUTH IS THAT RAPE IS NEVER THE FAULT OF THE VICTIM.

Like many victims of sexual attacks, I was silenced by my shame, guilt, and the mistaken belief, reinforced by the police and society in general...that I was "responsible" for what these men did to me. It is that silence that re-victimizes rape and incest victims, over and over again, and I won't be silent anymore.

Fear, terror, and feeling unsafe. Intense fear may be experienced in many aspects of a woman's life. If you feared for your life or the lives of others during the assault, you may be afraid that the perpetrator will return. You may find that fear and terror become generalized to other areas or to situations that are similar to the assault.

There is nowhere that feels safe anymore. When I'm home I'm afraid that someone will break into my house; when I'm out, I'm afraid that I'll be attacked. My guard is always up.

Anger and rage. While it is normal to feel angry, this emotion can be difficult for women to express. We have been socialized to be nice, to hide our anger. For many women, directing anger toward the perpetrator may feel too threatening or may bring intense feelings of terror. You may sometimes direct your feelings of anger toward others in your life, where it feels safer. While this can be confusing for loved ones, it is normal.

I feel angry all of the time, even toward people who had nothing to do with the rape like my kids and my co-workers.

Anger turned inward. If you have a hard time recognizing or expressing anger, you may turn it inward. This can lead to forms of depression and suicidal thoughts, feelings, or even attempts. If you experience signs of depression that are long-lasting and don't seem to be alleviated by talking about it with friends, consider seeking help through counseling. Many communities have specialized mental health services for survivors of sexual assault.

I barely manage to function all day. When I wake up in the morning I just want to stay in bed. I feel like there is a dark cloud following me around. I feel sad and can't remember what it feels like to be happy.

Grief and loss. You may experience loss in many ways. For many women, rape or abuse may have conflicted with our ideas of whom we can trust or where we are safe. Throughout the healing process, you may experience grief over parts of your life that you felt you missed. Some survivors talk about a loss of innocence or a loss of their sense of power.

I feel like a part of me died, like my life will never be the same. Because I was raped by my boyfriend as a teen, I feel like I missed the chance to have a normal adolescence when everyone says those should have been the best years of my life.

Loss of control, powerlessness. Rape and sexual abuse rob women of the power and control that they have in that moment. You may feel powerless in general or in certain situations.

My life is not my own anymore; what's the use of making decisions when I have no power to change my life?

Isolation. You may feel as though no one can possibly understand. Or you may feel embarrassed that your healing process is taking as long as it is. Family members may be encouraging you to "just put it in the past" or "get on with your life" while your feelings are still very real and troubling. You may not want to talk to anyone about the rape for fear of being disbelieved or rejected.

I can't think of anyone that I can trust or talk to. I just want to be by myself even though I feel lonely.

Flashbacks and nightmares. Flashbacks and nightmares can feel overwhelming and frightening, although they are common and normal. A flashback is a memory that is experienced with one or more of the physical senses. A nightmare is a dream that sometimes involves aspects or pieces of the assault but can be combined with other events or aspects of the person's life.

I close my eyes to go to sleep and all I can see is the rape. I feel as though it is happening to me over and over.

Triggers: seasons, smells, circumstances. Survivors remember being raped with all of our senses. Triggers are circumstances that are the same or similar to those that occurred during the rape and that bring up feelings related to the rape. Certain smells, sights, places, or even times of the year may bring about feelings related to the assault.

Every year around this time I start to feel sad and have trouble sleeping. Because I was raped during the springtime, the signs that make everyone else happy make me feel isolated and nervous.

Changes in sexuality, intimacy. Changes in sexuality are common for women who have been sexually assaulted. While you may experience fear and aversion to sex and intimacy, on the other hand you may want to have more sexual experiences than before the rape. This may change throughout your healing process.

I want my partner's support, but I can't stand the idea of having sex. Even though it's been almost a year since the rape, I feel afraid of getting too close. I'm afraid that he'll touch me and that I'll react as if my partner is the rapist.

Spiritual crisis. Sexual assault often results in an intense spiritual crisis, especially for those who have operated within a spiritual framework before the rape. You may feel angry at a supreme being or may lose your faith completely. You may be told that the rape is a punishment for your "sins." The crisis of rape can create a crisis of self at a very personal and deep level.

Empowerment: Finding Ways to Regain Your Life

If you were sexually assaulted, you may have experienced any number of these reactions and others not listed here. The process that you are going through may feel overwhelming and never-ending. Yet, it is very much a process of healing and empowerment. You have had your sense of control taken away as a result of the rape, and healing can occur when you begin to regain a sense of power. Reflecting on the following points can help you move through the healing process:

Sexual assault was not your fault. Myths about sexual assault get expressed in any number of destructive ways: "It must have been who she was, what she was wearing, where she was...." These have nothing to do with the fact that you were assaulted. You did not ask to be violated, and you did not do anything to deserve it.

You made the best choices and decisions you were able to make. You may have been forced to make life-or-death decisions before, during, and after the assault. Even if you feel you would make a different decision today, whatever you did at the time was okay.

There is no right way to feel or to heal. Your reactions and your healing process are connected to who you are as a person. Your culture and economic background can influence your healing process in both negative and positive ways.

You deserve support. Reach out to whomever you think can be a support person to you. There are rape crisis centers in most locations across the country. You may prefer to talk with a family member or friend, a clergy member, or a counselor. You may decide to find a support group, or try other kinds of healing support based on art, music, writing, physical activity, or meditation.17

Believe in your strength and your capacity to heal. While the process of healing may take time and may be difficult, you will find ways to reclaim the strong and capable parts of yourself.

Medical Considerations

If you have been raped, the first thing you may want to do is take a shower or bath and try to forget what happened. What you do is completely your decision, but consider two things:

* It is very important both physically and emotionally that you receive medical attention as soon as possible, even if you have no obvious injuries.
* Don't bathe or shower if you think you may later decide to prosecute, as you will wash away evidence that may be crucial to your case.

If you decide to go to a hospital, try to have a friend, relative, or local rape crisis counselor go with you to act as an advocate on your behalf. If you feel reluctant to go because you may not be able to afford it, be aware that most states have passed legislation that assures that rape exams are free of charge. If you go to the hospital, bring a list of any medications that you are taking, bring a change of clothing if you're still in the same clothes; if you have changed clothes, bring the clothing that you were wearing during the assault.

At the hospital, you have three basic concerns: your emotional well-being; medical care; and the gathering of evidence for a possible prosecution. You can refuse to be examined for evidence if you are absolutely sure that you will not want to prosecute. Some hospitals have specialized programs that attempt to assure that sexual assault survivors are given the best treatment possible. These programs are staffed by nurses or doctors who receive extensive training in the medical, legal, and emotional issues associated with sexual assault. They are set up to provide medical exams that are sensitive and provide the best evidence possible for prosecution.

Physical injuries to any part of the body can result from a rape; therefore, a thorough examination is necessary. That examination should include and/or result in the following:

A verbal history of the sexual assault and of related medical concerns. You will be asked to give a detailed description of the assault, which will be written down. While it may be difficult to talk about these details, they are important so that the medical provider will know where to check for injuries and where to document evidence such as bruises, scrapes, or other injuries. Pictures may be taken or evidence collected that wouldn't be noticed unless this information is known. Sometimes bruises may emerge later, in which case you should be encouraged to call the examiner back so that they can be added to your record. You will also be asked some questions that may seem unrelated, such as whether you have had sexual activity recently, whether you may be pregnant, and whether you use any birth control methods.

A pelvic exam. In collecting evidence, the practitioner will look for the presence of semen. (It is also possible to be raped vaginally with no semen or sperm present.) She or he will also comb your pubic hair for the possible presence of the man's pubic hair. All this medical evidence will be available to others, including the police, only with your written permission. You or the person with you at the hospital should check the record for accuracy and objectivity as soon as possible after the exam. If possible, do this while the doctor is still present. (If you were raped vaginally, you will get a pelvic exam. Or get a rectal exam if you were raped anally.)

Examination and treatment of any external injuries. The practitioner will examine you for any external injuries and may photograph bruises or other marks to document the assault.

Treatment for the prevention of sexually transmitted disease (STD). The practitioner will want to give you two shots of antibiotic in your buttocks. If you don't want this, be sure to say so. (Some women may not want to be given an antibiotic unless an STD is diagnosed; however, it is used as a preventive measure). Some STDs are not detectable until six weeks later, so it is a good idea to return for a six-week checkup.

Treatment for the prevention of pregnancy. If you suspect that you will become pregnant as a result of the rape, the doctor or nurses may offer you emergency contraception (see chapter 13, Birth Control). A pregnancy resulting from rape cannot be detected until several weeks later. If you find that you are pregnant and are considering abortion, please speak to some concerned adult before being committed.

Information about AIDS/HIV. There is a chance that you could contract HIV through a sexual assault. Should you want to, it may be possible to get immediate morning-after" medication to treat potential HIV infection. If you are offered testing for HIV, be aware that it's too soon for HIV antibodies to show up from the assault. Also, testing results could become a part of your medical and legal record and could be used against you.

A follow-up exam. Although you may feel physically recovered shortly after the rape, a follow-up visit, to include tests and treatment for STDs and a pregnancy test if indicated, will assure you that you are taking care of yourself.

It is common for survivors of sexual assault to experience changes in overall physical health. Some find that their sleep and eating patterns change. Some experience headaches, body aches, stomach and intestinal problems, and fatigue. Some cope with the emotions with drugs or alcohol. While all of these are normal, it is important to take care of yourself and get help if any of them persist or get worse over time.

Ever since I was raped, my body doesn't feel like my own. I have pain in my back and I'm always on the alert for signs of sexually transmitted infections.

Legal Considerations

It is never easy to decide whether to prosecute a rapist. While improvements have been made in the legal system, prosecution can still be a painful and difficult process. Most communities have rape crisis centers that provide advocates as you move through the legal system. In many places there are victim/witness advocates in the offices of local district attorneys who can provide information and support. In some states you can report a rape anonymously or without prosecuting. Whether you report it or not, write down everything that you can remember, so that if you do decide to prosecute later on, your statement will be accurate. As you are deciding whether or not to prosecute, here are several things to keep in mind:

* Because the legal system can be confusing and difficult, it will help tremendously to have a friend or rape crisis counselor with you throughout the process.
* You will have to prove that you were sexually assaulted against your will and that the man used force or threatened force against you.
* Rape is a crime against the state. It is prosecuted by the district attorney's office. You will be the state's witness, and you will not have your own lawyer unless you can arrange for one to advise you.
* A trial can last from six months to several years. You will need to be prepared to continue thinking and talking about the rape for a long time, including giving an account of the event over and over while people judge whether you are telling the truth.
* You will need to prepare yourself for any outcome. Rape is one of the most difficult crimes to prove. Remember that even if your case does not end in a conviction, this does not mean that the rape didn't happen or that you didn't do your best to prosecute.

What to Do If Someone You Care About Has Been Sexually Assaulted

If you are a friend or family member of someone who has been sexually assaulted, you may feel that you don't know what to say, or you may have feelings of your own that get in the way of supporting her. You can be most helpful if you keep in mind that she is capable of healing and that you are capable of providing support. You are being supportive when you do these things:

Validate and believe her. If she feels ashamed or guilty, reassure her that the rape was not her fault and that her feelings are normal. Although you feel you might have reacted differently, remember that her reactions are uniquely hers.

Help create a safe place for the survivor. Help her to think about what changes, if any, she would like to make that will help her feel safer, whether related to her physical surroundings or to how she interacts with people at home or at work.

Allow her to express a full range of feelings. The feelings of a survivor of sexual assault can be very strong. Expressing these powerful feelings in a safe environment is an important part of the healing process. If you can feel comfortable supporting her in expressing her feelings, this can be very helpful.

Offer options, not advice. Survivors often struggle with important and complex decisions. You can be most helpful by helping her identify all of the options available and supporting her in her decision-making.

Dispel myths about rape. You can help empower a woman who has been sexually assaulted by being prepared to help her dispel destructive myths about rape and by assuring her that you do not believe these false ideas.

Advocate. She may need someone to help ensure that her feelings are validated and her rights are upheld in the medical or legal system.

Believe in the possibility of healing. Let her know that you believe that healing is possible and that she has the strength and capacity to heal.

Protecting Ourselves and Each Other from Rape

Even though most sexual assaults are committed by someone we know rather than a stranger, we can take some steps to protect ourselves. Listing these suggestions reminds us how wrong it is for women to be and to feel unsafe in our homes and our communities. Yet, until men stop raping women, we need to take precautions. The most effective protection comes from being with other women. Arrange to walk home together. Set up a green-light or safe-house program in your neighborhood. Get to know the women who live in your apartment building or on your street.

Safety at home. Make sure that entrances are well lit and that windows and doors are securely locked. Use only your last name on your mailbox. Find out who is at your door before opening it to anyone.

Safety on the street. Be aware of what is going on around you. Walk with a steady pace, looking as if you know where you are going. Dress so you can move and run easily. Walk in the middle of the street, avoiding dark places and groups of men. If you fear danger, yell "Fire," not "Help" or "Rape." Carry a whistle around your wrist. Always check the backseat of your car before getting in and keep the car doors locked while driving. Avoid groups of men on public transportation. If you can possibly avoid it, don't hitchhike; it is just too dangerous.

Safety in social situations. Pay attention to how you feel and trust your instincts. If you want to end a date or leave a party, say so, even if you are afraid or embarrassed. If you drink alcohol, keep an eye on your drink. Drugs are available that can be slipped into drinks to tranquilize a woman and create a blackout. For example, a drug called Rohypnol, or "Roofies," causes severe memory loss so that a woman can be raped but will not be able to remember anything.

These tactics can help you, but they are not foolproof. Practice tactics for the situations that make you feel most at risk and least powerful. Try to remain calm and to act as confident and strong as you can.

Incest & Sexual Abuse of Children

One common form of sexual abuse of children is incest, which has been defined as sexual contact that occurs between family members. Most incest occurs between older male relatives and younger female children in families of every class and color. Other instances of sexual abuse of children are most often committed by friends who have access to children within the family setting and by people normally trusted by parents: doctors, dentists, teachers, and baby-sitters.18

A sexually abusive relationship is one over which a child or young woman has no control. A trusted family member or friend uses his power, as well as a child's love and dependence, to initiate sexual contact and often to ensure that the relationship continues and remains secret.

My barter with my brother was that he could do sex on me to practice for his girlfriends. I consented not because I enjoyed it but because I was afraid to be alone when my parents went out....I never even thought of talking about it. That just couldn't be done.

Despite the fact that children are more likely to be sexually abused by an adult they know, parents teach children to expect danger from strangers and not from trusted authority figures. It is understandable, given this fact, that a violation of this trust is so terribly frightening and confusing.

The extent of incest and childhood sexual abuse is difficult to measure because of lack of reporting and lack of memory. One study in which adults were asked to report on past incidents found that one in four girls and one in ten boys experienced sexual abuse.19

Incest and sexual abuse of children take many forms and may include sexually suggestive language; prolonged kissing, looking, and petting; vaginal and/or anal intercourse; and oral sex. Because sexual contact is often achieved without overt physical force, there may be no obvious signs of physical harm.

Whether or not the signs of abuse are physical and obvious, sexual abuse in childhood can have lifelong consequences. As survivors, we often blame ourselves long after the abuse has ended--for not saying no, for not fighting back, for telling or not telling, for having been ``seductive,'' for having trusted the abuser. Often there is no one to confirm that someone treated us cruelly and that this abuse was devastating to us.

Many of us have difficulty with sexually intimate relationships because of the memories they revive. Many of us desire sexual intimacy yet have difficulty trusting.

Just as battered women and women who have been raped often blame themselves for the violence, those of us who have survived childhood sexual abuse struggle with self-blame. Teenagers with a history of incest might "sleep around" in order to feel accepted, or run away from our homes and communities. Depression is another common response to the abuse, and adult survivors often turn to drugs and alcohol to mask the pain. Some of us feel worthless.

I often feel hopeless and suicidal. My father treated me with such violence that this is the only way I know to treat myself. I'm learning better ways now, but it's difficult.

It is often very difficult to talk about incest or childhood sexual abuse. Some of us may never have told anyone, though the abuse may have continued for years. We may have dreaded family gatherings, where a particular uncle or family friend would come after us. For some of us, exploring our bodies with an older brother turned into a sexual encounter, after which we found ourselves feeling we had been taken advantage of. Sometimes a father, uncle, or teacher abused our sisters, and we didn't find out for years. Every survivor has her own story, and every story is valid.

Coping Mechanisms

Each of us responds differently to the pain and terror of incest and childhood sexual abuse. We struggle to find ways to cope that will permit us to keep on functioning and to survive. Too often, these coping mechanisms become problematic and don't serve the survivor well as an adult. Common coping mechanisms include self-injury, substance abuse, eating disorders, and dissociation.

Self-injury. Self-injury, much more common among women than men, occurs when we consciously hurt ourselves, by, for example, cutting, hitting, or burning ourselves. Because of the shame surrounding self-injury, women often keep this problem secret and do not reach out for support from others. Although self- injury is not usually done with the intent of suicide, it is a coping mechanism that, though understandable, can be seriously harmful to us. There are many reasons why we injure ourselves. Some self-injury acts to block out emotional pain caused by childhood abuse. Many of us say that the physical pain evoked by self-injury diminishes intense emotional pain. Self-injury can also be a way of expressing anger and other strong emotions that were forbidden to us. Self-injury can begin as a way to replay an abusive experience in order to regain control of it emotionally.

Substance abuse. Many women who were sexually abused during childhood find that we have no outlet for the feelings associated with the trauma of sexual abuse. We may turn to alcohol or drugs to help us cope with strong feelings of terror, grief, and anger. After prolonged use or abuse of alcohol or drugs, we may find ourselves addicted and in need of help for a substance abuse problem. (See chapter 3, Alcohol, Tobacco, and Other Mood-Altering Drugs, for more information.) Those of us who enter treatment programs often find that our feelings related to the sexual abuse come up when we stop relying on the substance. If this happens, it is essential to have support for the feelings connected to sexual abuse and for recovery from substance abuse. In recognition of the fact that so many women in substance abuse treatment programs are survivors of childhood sexual abuse, treatment programs are beginning to work with rape crisis centers and other experts on sexual assault to ensure that this special support is provided.

I thought that everything would be better once I stopped drinking, but now I have nightmares about the abuse I went through as a child. It makes it hard to keep to my promise to myself to stay sober.

Eating disorders. Problems with eating can develop in the wake of sexual abuse. These may take several forms, including bulimia, anorexia, and compulsive overeating. Each of these may serve as a different coping mechanism and may itself become a problem. (See chapter 2, Food, for more information on these eating disorders.)

Dissociation. Many survivors are familiar with dissociation. This is a process that produces an alteration in a person's thoughts, feelings, or actions so that for a period of time, certain information is not associated or integrated with other information.20

A continuum of sorts, dissociation occurs when a child leaves her body and goes to the ceiling during the abuse. It can continue after the abuse: we may have trouble concentrating, experience detachment from ourselves, have dramatic mood shifts, and/or develop several distinct personalities.

If you find that a way you have coped with being abused is causing you problems as an adult, you can get help. Remember that you did what you did at the time in order to survive. Once your method of coping stops working, you can find other, healthier ways to respond to the violence you were forced to endure. Be as gentle with yourself as you can be, and know that you don't have to face these experiences alone. With gentleness toward yourself and with the caring help of others, you can build a support network and practice new ways of taking care of yourself.

Getting Help

To heal from the trauma of incest or early sexual abuse, we need to tell our stories to people who understand what we have experienced. Talking with others in counseling or in special support groups for women with a history of incest breaks the silence, helps us to gain perspective and know we are not alone, eases the pain and helps us feel healthier and stronger.

I now have a lot of compassion for myself because I know the implications of the abuse that occurred in my life. I owe myself all the understanding, patience, and acceptance I can find--a ton of it.

Some women find that they need to confront the family member who abused them. This is a frightening task, but if it is the right thing to do for your recovery, it can also be rewarding.

I feel empowered by letting him know I am aware that the incest occurred. I feel empowered by the fact that I didn't ask him if he remembered--I just told him. I knew he would deny it. I just wanted to say, "This happened." I did not expect results. Telling him was the total opposite of all that happened--what was invisible is now out in the open.

Those of us with a history of incest need to know that whatever we do or don't do is all right, because we have survived a childhood that wasn't like a childhood at all.

Feminist Insights into Incest and Childhood Sexual Abuse

Years ago, "experts" who wrote about incest and child abuse blamed mothers for abandoning their children to sexually depraved husbands or accused young girls of being seductive or of fantasizing about sexual relationships with male relatives. For the past 30 years, feminists have been challenging these victim-blaming views. The factors that contribute to incest and sexual abuse of children are very complicated. When boys and men are supported in the belief that they have a right to dominate and control women and children, they may well decide that this includes the right to use us sexually. In a society that puts so much emphasis on sexuality as a measure of a man's worth, fathers, uncles, and brothers may try to bolster a low self-image by taking sexual advantage of the powerlessness of the children in their lives. In addition, in a culture in which male violence and sexuality are merged, men may become incapable of distinguishing between feelings of sexual desire and violent impulses--even when it involves their daughters, sisters, nieces, or neighbors. Whatever factors contribute to incest and sexual abuse of children, it is vital to remember that no child deserves to be sexually abused, and no child "invites" it.

As a result of recent challenges to long-held myths about incest and sexual abuse of children, reports of child sexual abuse have increased among adult women. One unfortunate result of this change has been an attempt to popularize the so-called false memory syndrome. This theory claims that many adults who remember sexual abuse as children are actually not remembering correctly. Research into the subject of memories and how they work, however, confirms that children often repress their experience of trauma in order to survive and that this is a necessary and appropriate coping mechanism, not something that the child did wrong. This research is helpful in countering efforts to undermine those who are able to finally give voice to the violence they suffered as children.

The Sex Industry

Many women earn all or part of their living as sex workers or in other areas of the sex industry, including pornography, nude dancing, telephone sex, and computer pornography. Contrary to the ugly stereotypes of prostitutes as fallen women, dope addicts, or disease carriers,* sex workers are women at work--supporting children as single parents, trying to save money to go to school, surviving economically in a job market that underpays women at every economic level.

Once politically voiceless and isolated from other women, sex workers have organized over the past 25 years for support and political action. As adult sex workers speak out, they expose the many forms of violence that they experience:

* Poverty that forces women, especially women of color and runaway teenagers, into work as sex workers
* Sexism in the job market that means that even middle- and upper-class women can earn more in sex work than in most other jobs available
* Intimidation and beatings by pimps, to whom many sex workers must give their earnings in return for protection
* Police harassment and lack of police protection when we are victims of crime such as robbery, battery, and rape
* The arrest and prosecution of prostitutes while clients go free
* The racism and class bias that lead to the arrest and imprisonment of far more prostitutes of color and women with low incomes than white, middle-class women, even though the majority of sex workers are white and middle-class

As a middle-class white woman, trained as a registered nurse, I could work in a private call business instead of hitting the streets. I was arrested but never did time in prison; the system isn't aimed at putting me in jail. Women of color have less easy access to places like upper-class hotels, where if you're a black woman and alone you're automatically tagged as a hooker. So they're in the streets and in the bars, where they are more visible and more vulnerable to exploitation and arrest--and they're the ones who end up in jail.

Some feminists have been critical of prostitutes for reinforcing sex-role stereotypes by allowing themselves to be sex objects or for participating in the sex industry, which many think contributes to violence against women. Many see sex work as violence in and of itself, especially when children and young girls are involved. (See chapter 26, The Global Politics of Women and Health, for more information.) Others insist that it is a legitimate way for women to earn money from men. As one prostitute said, "It's my body; why shouldn't I be the one to decide how I should use it?" Some sex workers find that the experience is generally positive, and the negative parts arise from the violence and harassment that they may be more at risk for because of their profession. Others enjoy parts of the work and hate other parts. Still others name their experience as violence. Prostitutes point out that they are no different from most women in having to sell their services to men. In the words of an ex-prostitute:

I've worked in straight jobs where I've felt more like I was prostituting my being than in prostitution. I had less control over my life, and the powerlessness wasn't even up front. People didn't see me as selling myself, but with the minimum wage so little and my boss so insulting, I felt like I was selling my soul.

Prostitutes have organized in the U.S. and Europe to demand decriminalization, the abolition of all laws against prostitution. With decriminalization, prostitutes would have more control over their work and the money they earn. Most of all, they would no longer go to jail for providing a service that society itself puts in such high demand and for choosing the highest-paying work available to them.

Defending Ourselves Against Violence

Self-defense can increase the options and choices that we have in any given situation, including situations where we are at risk of violence. Self-defense itself is a choice that is made at a particular moment. Each woman will make the best choice that she can, based on her resources and knowledge at the time.

Just as there is no one right way to respond to violence committed against us, there is no right way to defend ourselves. And, as much as self- defense may help in certain situations, the most important step in ending violence against women is to stop men from being violent and from allowing others to be violent.

In recent years the experiences of women who have been practicing self-defense have changed our ideas about what self-defense is and how we can use its techniques. If you decide to learn self-defense, be sure to think about the real possibility that the person you may defend yourself against may be your date, friend, husband, father, teacher, or co-worker.

Thinking about self-defense in this light, we can see that self-defense study actually includes any activity—assertiveness training, exercise, sports—that promotes self-confidence, self-knowledge, and self-reliance. In addition, the skills we tend to associate exclusively with self-defense can actually be of benefit in other areas of our lives.

Self-defense classes teach us to shift our self-awareness so that we remember that we are the sources of our own energy and the initiators of our own actions. Instead of freezing in the face of assault, we learn to mobilize our thoughts, assess the situation, make a judgment about the level of danger, choose the response we wish to make, and then make it. (See Resources for information on self-defense classes, including "Model Mugging.") We can use this self-awareness in other life situations, such as medical examinations, job interviews, or communication with a difficult person.

I have experienced such profound changes in my self-image and in the way that I see the world and relate to people that I really can't separate my study of self-defense from the rest of my life.

Several myths can prevent us from defending ourselves effectively against a physical assault. They include the myth that the assailant is invulnerable, that greater physical strength will decide who will prevail, that we don't know how to defend ourselves.

Yet, as women we have defended ourselves against attack in many instances. One woman frightened off three adolescent males who were following her along a city street by turning quickly and letting out a bloodcurdling yell. Another stopped a would-be assailant with a kick to the midsection. A young girl sitting on the train found a wayward hand on her knee. She took the man's wrist in her grasp, raised his hand high in the air, and said loudly enough for the entire car to hear, "Who does this belong to?" He got off at the next stop.

There are countless stories like these, even though we don't see them on TV and we don't read them in the newspapers. When we do hear such stories we may attribute such escapes to luck or good fortune; too often we don't take credit for our own courage and resourcefulness. It is important to our self-confidence to reclaim those successes.

At this point, little is known about the value of self-defense for battered women. Street techniques, which depend upon surprise and causing damage, don't work as well against repeated assault by men we live with. Yet, other skills developed in the practice of self-defense may be useful, such as learning to work through the inner obstacles that come up when we are faced with a violent situation. As we begin to feel more self-confident, we will be able to consider how we might resist the battering or how we might eventually leave the batterer and the violence behind us.

Guidelines are needed for adapting physical techniques for use by women with various physical abilities. Furthermore, we need to support the work of all the organizations committed to our safety, because without them, self-defense is a piecemeal approach to woman's safety.


Notes

1. Surgeon General, U.S., 1992.
2. U.S. Department of Justice, Uniform Crime Reports for the U.S. (Washington, DC: 1996).
3. National Victims Center and Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center, Rape In America: A Report to the Nation
(Arlington, VA: National Victims Center, 1992). Available from National Victims Center, 2111 Wilson Boulevard, Suite 300, Arlington, VA 22201; (703) 276-2880.
4. U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, A Report on the 1988 National Survey of Shelters for the Homeless (Washington, DC: Office of Policy Development and Research, 1989).
5. Many studies have been published that present various estimates of the extent of child sexual abuse. These data can only be estimates because of the fact that many adult women do not remember being sexually abused or do not define childhood incidents as sexual abuse.
6. Mary Ann Allard, Randy Albelda, Mary Ellen Colten, and Carol Cosenza, In Harm's Way? Domestic Violence, AFDC Receipt, and Welfare Reform in Massachusetts (Boston: University of Massachusetts, 1997); Jody Raphael and Richard Tolman, Trapped By Poverty Trapped By Abuse (Chicago: The Taylor Institute, 1997).
7. Mary P. Koss et al. No Safe Haven: Male Violence Against Women at Home, At Work, and in the Community (Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 1994).
8. Koss, No Safe Haven.
9. Hughes and Sandler, U.S. Merit Protection Board, as cited in "Facts About Sexual Harassment," U.S. Department of Labor, 1988.
10. Nan Stein, Nancy L. Marshall, and Linda R. Tropp, Secrets in Public: Sexual Harassment in Our Schools--A Report on the Results of a Seventeen Magazine Survey (Wellesley, MA: Center for Research on Women, 1993).
11. Nan Stein, "No Laughing Matter: Sexual Harassment in K-12 Schools," in Emilie Buchwald, ed., Transforming a Rape Culture (Minneapolis: Milkweed Editions, 1993).
12. National Center on Women and Family Law, The Effects of Woman Abuse on Children: Psychological and Legal Authority (New York, 1994). The National Center on Women and Family Law is defunct; however, their publications are available from the NOW Legal Defense and Education Fund in New York: (212) 925- 6635.
13. For a detailed review and analysis of the literature on the impact of domestic violence on children, see Governor's Commission on Domestic Violence, The Children of Domestic Violence: A Report of the Governor's Commission on Domestic Violence of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (Boston: Commonwealth of Massachusetts, 1996).
14. Adapted from Domestic Violence: The Facts, by Battered Women Fighting Back!, Inc. (Currently known as Peace At Home, Inc.) (Boston: BWFB, 1995).
15. Koss, No Safe Haven.
16. The Project on the Status and Education of Women, The Problem of Rape on Campus. (Washington, DC: 1978).
17. Adapted from Massachusetts Coalition Against Sexual Assault, Supporting Survivors of Sexual Assault: A Journey to Justice, Health, and Healing (Boston: Massachusetts Department of Public Health, 1997).
18. Andrea J. Sedlak and Diane D. Broadhurst, Executive Summary of the Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect (Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 1996).
19. Congressional Quarterly Researcher, Washington, DC, 1991.
20. Frank W. Putnam, Diagnosis and Treatment of Multiple Personality Disorder (New York: Guilford Press, 1989).
21. See Linda Meyer Williams, "Recall of Childhood Trauma: A Prospective Study of Women's Memories of Child Sexual Abuse," Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 62, no. 6 (1994): 1167-176.


BOOKS

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Bass, Ellen, and Laura Davis. The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. New York: Harper Perennial, 1994.

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Candib, Lucy M. "Violence as a Gender Issue," in M. K. Hendricks-Matthews, ed., Family Violence: Toward a Solution. Kansas City, MO: Society of Teachers of Family Medicine Publications, 1992.

Center for Women and Religion at the Graduate Theological Union. Clergy Abuse Survivors Packet. Available, for $5.00, from Center for Women and Religion, 2400 Ridge Road, Berkeley, CA 94709; (510) 649-2490.

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Davis, Laura. Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused As a Child. New York: HarperCollins, 1991.

----- The Courage to Heal Workbook for Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. New York: Harper & Row, 1990.

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Fairstein, Linda. Sexual Violence: Our War Against Rape. New York: Berkley Publishing, 1995.

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Fortune, Marie M. Sexual Violence: The Unmentionable Sin: An Ethical and Pastoral Perspective. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1983.

Herman, Judith L. Father-Daughter Incest. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1981. A classic.

Herman, Judith. Trauma and Recovery. New York: Basic Books, 1992.
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Lerner, Gerda. "The Rape of Black Women as a Weapon of Terror," in Gerda Lerner, ed., Black Women in White America: A Documentary History. New York: Random House, 1992.

Levy, Barrie, ed. Dating Violence: Young Women in Danger. Seattle: Seal Press, 1991.

Lobel, Kerry, ed. Naming the Violence: Speaking Out About Lesbian Battering. Seattle: Seal Press, 1986.

Martin, Del. Battered Wives. New York: Simon & Schuster/Pocket Books, 1990.

Massachusetts Coalition of Battered Women's Service Groups. For Shelter and Beyond: An Educational Manual for Working with Women Who Are Battered. Boston: MCBWSG, 1992. Available from MCBWSG, 14 Beacon Street, Boston, MA 02108.

McEnvoy, Alan, and Jeff Brookings. If She Is Raped: A Book for Husbands, Fathers, and Male Friends. Holmes Beach, FL: Learning Publications, 1990.

Miller, Alice. Banished Knowledge: Facing Childhood Injury. New York: Doubleday, 1991.

Rush, Florence. The Best Kept Secret: Sexual Abuse of Children. New York: McGraw Hill, 1992, c.1980. Reviews the Bible, myths, fairy tales, and popular literature.

Russell, Diana E. H. Making Violence Sexy: Feminist Views on Pornography. New York: Teachers College Press, 1993.

Sanday, Peggy R. Fraternity Gang Rape: Sex, Brotherhood, and Privilege on Campus. New York: New York University Press, 1992.

Sanford, Linda Tschirhart. Strong at the Broken Places: Overcoming the Trauma of Childhood Abuse. New York: Random House, 1990.

Warshaw, Robin. I Never Called It Rape: The Ms. Report on Recognizing, Fighting and Surviving Date and Acquaintance Rape. New York: Harper & Row, 1988.

White, Evelyn. Chain Chain Change: For Black Women in Abusive Relationships. Seattle: Seal Press, 1994. Wisechild, Louise M., ed. She Who Was Lost Is Remembered: Healing from Incest Through Creativity. Seattle: Seal Press, 1991.

Zambrano, Myrna, M. Mejor Sola Que Mal Acompanatada: For the Latina in an Abusive Relationship. Seattle: Seal Press, 1985.

Article

Andrews, A.B., and L.J. Veronen. "Sexual Assault and People with Disabilities." In Deborah Valentine, ed. Sexuality and Disabilities: A Guide for Human Service Practitioners. Binghamtom, NY: Haworth Press, 1993.

Magazines and Newsletters

The Aurora: An Ongoing Forum for Women
P.O. Box 535; Plaistow, NH 03865 A quarterly newsletter for women.

The Cutting Edge
P.O. Box 20819; Cleveland, OH 44120
A newsletter by and for women who self-injure.

The Healing Woman Foundation, Inc.
P.O. Box 3038; Moss Beach, CA 94038; (415) 728-0339
E-mail: healingwcaaol.com

Information, self-help, and support by and for women in recovery from childhood sexual abuse and related areas. Monthly newsletter.

Survivor Activist
Survivor Connections, Inc.
52 Lyndon Road; Cranston, RI 02905; (401) 941-2548 A quarterly newsletter.

Survivorship
318 Mission, No. 19; San Francisco, CA 94110
A newsletter for survivors of ritual abuse.

Audiovisual Materials

Breaking Silence, A Film on Incest and the Sexual Abuse of Children, 1985. New Day Films, 22-D Hollywood Avenue, Hohokus, NY 07432; (201) 652-6590; Web site: http://www.newday.com

The Confrontation: Latinas Fight Back Against Rape, 1983. Women Make Movies, 462 Broadway, Suite 500, New York, NY 10013; (212) 925-0606; E-mail: info@awmm.com

Dating Rights: Gang Rape on Campus. Available from Filmakers Library, 124 East 40th Street, Suite 900, New York, NY 10016; (212) 808-4988.

Delores, 1988. Domestic violence in Latino communities. Cinema Guild, 1697 Broadway, Suite 802, New York, NY 10019; (212) 246-5522; E-mail: cinemagcaaol.com

Not a Love Story, 1981 film about pornography. The National Film Board of Canada, 350 5th Avenue, Suite 4820, New York, NY 10118; (212) 629-8890.

Rape/Crisis. An award-winning docudrama on the roots of sexual violence. The Cinema Guild. See Delores, above.

Rape Culture, 1975. Widely used. Cambridge Documentary Films, P.O. Box 390385, Cambridge, MA 02139; (617) 484-3993;

Still Killing Us Softly, 1987. Explores violence and stereotyping in advertising. Cambridge Documentary Films. See Rape Culture, above.

We Will Not Be Beaten. The dynamics of battering, institutional response, and the role of shelters. Transition House Films, Box 530 Harvard Square Station, Cambridge MA 02238; (617) 354-2676.

Organizations

American Women's Self-Defense Association
713 North Wellwood Avenue; Lindenhurst, NY 11757; (800) 43-AWSDA
E-mail: awsdacanais.com

Covenant House Nine-Line
(800) 999-9999
24-hour national hot line for teens.

COYOTE (Call Off Your Old Tired Ethics)
2269 Chestnut Street, #452; San Francisco, CA 94123-2607; (415) 435-7950

Incest Survivors Resource Network International
P.O. Box 7375; Las Cruces, NM 88006; (505) 521-4260
E-mail: isrni@zianet.com
Web site: http://zianet.com/ISRNI

Mending the Sacred Hoop
206 West Fourth Street; Duluth, MN 55806; (218) 722-2781

Men Overcoming Violence (MOVE)
54 Mint Street, Suite 300; San Francisco, CA 94103; (415) 777-4496

Model Mugging 1168 Commonwealth Avenue; Boston, MA 02134; (617) 232-7900
An innovative course offered nationwide that teaches women self-defense in simulated rape situations against an instructor dressed as a mugger (with protective equipment).

National Alliance of Sexual Assault Coalitions
110 Connecticut Boulevard; E. Hartford, CT 06108; (860) 282-9881
E-mail: connsacs@linet.com
Web site: http://www.connsacs.org
Works on public policy issues.

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
2101 Wilson Boulevard, Suite 550; Arlington, VA 22201; (703) 235-3900
Web site: http://www.missingkids.com

National Child Abuse Hotline
P.O. Box 630; Los Angeles, CA 90028; (800) 422-4453
A 24-hour hot line for adult survivors as well as children.

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
119 Constitution Avenue NE; Washington, DC 20002; (202) 544-7893

National Coalition Against Sexual Assault (NCASA)
125 N. Enola Drive; Enola, PA 17025; (717) 728-9740
E-mail: ncasa@redrose.net
This membership organization sponsors conferences and publishes a newsletter.

National Domestic Violence Hotline
(800) 799-SAFE
TDD: (800) 787-3224

National Network to End Domestic Violence
701 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Suite 900; Washington, DC 20004; (800) 903-0111 ext. 3; (202) 434-7405

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
6400 Flank Drive, Suite 1300; Harrisburg, PA 17112; (800) 537-2238

Network for Battered Lesbians/La Red Para Lesbianas Abusadas
P.O. Box 6011; Boston, MA 02114; (617) 424-8611

S.N.A.P. (Survivors Network for Those Sexually Abused by Priests)
P.O. Box 438679; Chicago, IL 60643-8679; (312) 409-2720

Stop Prisoner Rape, Inc.
333 North Avenue 61 ns4; Los Angeles, CA 90042
E-mail: rwoods@worldnet.att.net
Web site: http://www.spr.org

Survivors of Incest Anonymous
World Service Office
P.O. Box 21817; Baltimore, MD 21222; (410) 282-3400

TELL (Therapy Exploitation Link Line)
P.O. Box 115; Waban, MA 02168; (617) 964-TELL
Resources for those who have been abused by therapists.

VOICES (Victims of Incest Can Emerge Survivors)
P.O. Box 148309; Chicago, IL 60614; (800) 7VOICE8; (773) 327-1500
E-mail: voices@voices-action.org
Web site: http://www.voices-action.org
National network for incest survivors: literature, therapist referrals, conferences.

WHISPER (Women Hurt In Systems of Prostitution Engaged in Revolt)
P.O. Box 5514, Rockefeller Center Station; New York, NY 10185

Women Against Pornography
P.O. Box 845, Times Square Station; New York, NY 10108; (212) 307-5055

Additional Online Resources

Anonymous Sexual Abuse Recovery
http://www.worldchat.com/public/asarc

Discord's Abuse Survivors' Resources
http://www.tezcat.com/~tina/psych.shtml

The Family Violence Prevention Fund
http://www.igc.apc.org/fund

SafetyNet Domestic Violence Resources
http://www.cybergrrl.com/planet/dv

Victim Services: Something Happened
http://www.victimservices.org/visitor1.html

The Wounded Healer: Partners And Allies of Sexual Assault Survivors Resources List
http://idealist.com/wounded_healer/allies.shtml

MEN AND SEXUAL TRAUMA

MEN AND SEXUAL TRAUMA
By: Thomas “Birdy” McKee


At least 10% of men in our country have suffered from trauma as a result of sexual assault. Like women, men who experience sexual assault may suffer from depression, PTSD, and other emotional problems as a result. However, because men and women have different life experiences due to their different gender roles, emotional symptoms following trauma can look different in men than they do in women.

WHO ARE THE PERPETRATORS OF MALE SEXUAL ASSAULT?

Those who sexually assault men or boys differ in a number of ways from those who assault only females.

Boys are more likely than girls to be sexually abused by strangers or by authority figures in organizations such as schools, the church, or athletics programs.

Those who sexually assault males usually choose young men and male adolescents (the average age is 17 years old) as their victims and are more likely to assault many victims, compared to those who sexually assault females.

Perpetrators often assault young males in isolated areas where help is not readily available. For instance, a perpetrator who assaults males may pick up a teenage hitchhiker on a remote road or find some other way to isolate his intended victim.

As is true about those who assault and sexually abuse women and girls, most perpetrators of males are men. Specifically, men are perpetrators in about 86% of male victimization cases.

Despite popular belief that only gay men would sexually assault men or boys, most male perpetrators identify themselves as heterosexuals and often have consensual sexual relationships with women.

WHAT ARE SOME SYMPTOMS RELATED TO SEXUAL TRAUMA IN BOYS AND MEN?

Particularly when the assailant is a woman, the impact of sexual assault upon men may be downplayed by professionals and the public. However, men who have early sexual experiences with adults report problems in various areas at a much higher rate than those who do not.

EMOTIONAL DISORDERS

Men and boys who have been sexually assaulted are more likely to suffer from PTSD, other anxiety disorders, and depression than those who have never been abused sexually.

SUBSTANCE ABUSE

Men who have been sexually assaulted have a high incidence of alcohol and drug use. For example, the probability for alcohol problems in adulthood is about 80% for men who have experienced sexual abuse, as compared to 11% for men who have never been sexually abused.

ENCOPRESIS

One study revealed that a percentage of boys who suffer from encopresis (bowel incontinence) had been sexually abused.


RISK TAKING BEHAVIOR

Exposure to sexual trauma can lead to risk-taking behavior during adolescence, such as running away and other delinquent behaviors. Having been sexually assaulted also makes boys more likely to engage in behaviors that put them at risk for contracting HIV (such as having sex without using condoms).
How does male gender socialization affect the recognition of male sexual assault?

* Men who have not dealt with the symptoms of their sexual assault may experience confusion about their sexuality and role as men (their gender role). This confusion occurs for many reasons. The traditional gender role for men in our society dictates that males be strong, self-reliant, and in control. Our society often does not recognize that men and boys can also be victims. Boys and men may be taught that being victimized implies that they are weak and, thus, not a man.
* Furthermore, when the perpetrator of a sexual assault is a man, feelings of shame, stigmatization, and negative reactions from others may also result from the social taboos.
* When the perpetrator of a sexual assault is a woman, some people do not take the assault seriously, and men may feel as though they are unheard and unrecognized as victims.
* Parents often know very little about male sexual assault and may harm their male children who are sexually abused by downplaying or denying the experience.

WHAT IMPACT DOES GENDER SOCIALIZATION HAVE UPON MEN WHO HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED?

Because of their experience of sexual assault, some men attempt to prove their masculinity by becoming hyper-masculine. For example, some men deal with their experience of sexual assault by having multiple female sexual partners or engaging in dangerous "macho" behaviors to prove their masculinity. Parents of boys who have been sexually abused may inadvertently encourage this process.

Men who acknowledge their assault may have to struggle with feeling ignored and invalidated by others who do not recognize that men can also be victimized.

Because of ignorance and myths about sexual abuse, men sometimes fear that the sexual assault by another man will cause them to become gay. This belief is false. Sexual assault does not cause someone to have a particular sexual orientation.

Because of these various gender-related issues, men are more likely than women to feel ashamed of the assault, to not talk about it, and to not seek help from professionals.

ARE MEN WHO WERE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED AS CHILDREN MORE LIKELY TO BECOME CHILD MOLESTERS?

Another myth that male victims of sexual assault face is the assumption that they will become abusers themselves. For instance, they may have heard that survivors of sexual abuse tend to repeat the cycle of abuse by abusing children themselves. Some research has shown that men who were sexually abused by men during their childhood have a greater number of sexual thoughts and fantasies about sexual contact with male children and adolescents. However, it is important to know that most male victims of child sexual abuse do not become sex offenders.

Furthermore, many male perpetrators do not have a history of child sexual abuse. Rather, sexual offenders more often grew up in families where they suffered from several other forms of abuse, such as physical and emotional. Men who assault others also have difficulty with empathy, and thus put their own needs above the needs of their victims.

IS THERE HELP FOR MEN WHO HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED?

It is important for men who have been sexually assaulted to understand the connection between sexual assault and hyper-masculine, aggressive, and self-destructive behavior. Through therapy, men often learn to resist myths about what a "real man" is and adopt a more realistic model for safe and rewarding living.

It is important for men who have been sexually assaulted and who are confused about their sexual orientation to confront misleading societal ideas about sexual assault and homosexuality.

Men who have been assaulted often feel stigmatized, which can be the most damaging aspect of the assault. It is important for men to discuss the assault with a caring and unbiased support person, whether that person is a friend, clergyman, or clinician. However, it is vital that this person be knowledgeable about sexual assault and men.

A local rape crisis center may be able to refer men to mental-health practitioners who are well-informed about the needs of male sexual assault victims.

SUMMARY

There is a bias in our culture against viewing the sexual assault of boys and men as prevalent and abusive. Because of this bias, there is a belief that boys and men do not experience abuse and do not suffer from the same negative impact that girls and women do. However, research shows that at least 10% of boys and men are sexually assaulted and that boys and men can suffer profoundly from the experience. Because so few people have information about male sexual assault, men often suffer from a sense of being different, which can make it more difficult for men to seek help. If you are a man who has been assaulted and you suffer from any of these difficulties, please seek help from a mental-health professional who has expertise working with men who have been sexually assaulted.
Recommended books

Victims No Longer: Men Recovering from Incest and Other Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew, Foreword by Ellen Bass. (1990). HarperCollins; ISBN 0060973005

Wounded Boys, Heroic Men: A Man's Guide to Recovering from Child Abuse by Daniel Jay Sonkin and Lenore E. A. Walker. (1998). Adams Media Corporations; ISBN 1580620108
Sources

Bauserman, R. B., & Rind, B. (1997). Psychological correlates of male child and adolescent sexual experiences with adults: A review of the nonclinical literature. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 26, 105-139.

Black, C. A., & DeBlassie, R. R. (1993). Sexual abuse in male children and adolescents: Indicators, effects, and treatments. Adolescence, 28, 123-133.

Briggs, F., & Hawkins, R. M. F. (1995). Protecting boys from the risk of sexual abuse. Early Child Development and Care, 110, 19-32.

Carballo-Dieguez, A., & Dolezal, C. (1995). Association between history of childhood sexual abuse and adult HIV-risk sexual behavior in Puerto Rican men who have sex with men. Child Abuse and Neglect, 19, 595-605.

Collings, S. J. (1995). The long-term effects of contact and noncontact forms of child sexual abuse in a sample of university men. Child Abuse and Neglect, 19, 1-6.

Darves-Bornoz, J. M., Choquet, M., Ledoux, S., & Manfredi, R. (1998). Gender differences in symptoms of adolescents reporting sexual assault. Social Psychiatry & Psychiatric Epidemiology, 33, 111-117.

Etherington, K. (1995). Adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Counseling Psychology Quarterly, 8, 233-241.

Garnefski, N., & Diekstra, R. F. W. (1997). Child sexual abuse and emotional and behavioral problems in adolescence: Gender differences. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 36, 323-329.

Gordon, M. (1990). Males and females as victims of childhood sexual abuse: An examination of the gender effect. Journal of Family Violence, 5, 321-332.

Hepburn, J. M. (1994). The implications of contemporary feminist theories of development for the treatment of male victims of sexual abuse. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, 3, 1-18.

Lisak, D. (1994). The psychological impact of sexual abuse: Content analysis of interviews with male survivors. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 7, 525-548.

Marrow, J., Yager, C. A., & Otnow Lewis, D. (1997). Encopresis and sexual abuse. Child Abuse and Neglect, 21, 11-18.

Porter, E. (1986). Treating the young male victim of sexual assault. Syracuse, NY: Safer Society Press.

Winder, J. H. (1996). Counseling adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse: A review of treatment techniques. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 18, 123-133.

Effects of Community Violence on Children and Teens

Effects of Community Violence on Children and Teens
By: Thomas “Birdy” McKee


Community violence includes many events. It might be a stranger using physical threat or direct violence to take something or hurt someone. It can also be violence between family members, close partners, or peers. These events may include cruel acts such as being shot, raped, stabbed, or beaten.

Most of the attention from media and research is on community violence that involves adults. However, many children and teens face violence in their neighborhoods and schools. Such violence can have effects on children.

How much community violence do children face?

Many people think that community violence only happens in gangs and inner cities. It is true that people who are poor, non-White, and living in crowded inner-city areas deal with a lot of violence. Community violence also occurs, though, in White, middle-class areas, both suburban and rural. All kinds of youth are at risk for community violence.

Over one-third of girls and boys across the country ages 10 to 16 years are victims of direct violence. Direct violence includes attempted kidnapping, physical and sexual assault. Even more children have faced indirect community violence. That is, they have seen violence or they know a victim of community violence. In one study, over three-quarters of children in a high-violence urban area reported coming into contact with community violence. Of note, more than half of the parents said that their children had not been exposed to violence in the community.

Who is at risk?

Sadly, there is no way to make sure your child does not face community violence. However, we do know some of the factors that add to a child's risk for coming into contact with community violence:

* living in poor, inner-city areas
* being non-White
* being in a gang or using alcohol or drugs
* living in a home with domestic (family) violence
* males see more community violence than do females and are at more risk for physical attacks
* females are at more risk for sexual assault

What are the effects of community violence?

If hurt by violence, a child may have to cope with physical or medical problems. A child may also have mental health problems, including PTSD. Some people think that young children are not harmed by community violence because they are too young to understand or remember. However, studies have found signs of PTSD in babies and young children. For more information on PTSD in children, please see our fact sheet PTSD and Trauma in Children and Teens.

A child's exposure to community violence affects the whole family. Parents are often very worried about their child's health and well-being. If resources and help are limited, parents can become angry. As a parent, you might blame yourself for not being able to keep your child safe. You may even become too protective. Parents sometimes use harsh discipline when the child acts out, even though the child's behavior is related to a trauma. Relations among family members can become strained. Parents are trying to comfort their child while at the same time trying to handle their own fears. This is hard, even more so if they live in an area where violence is common.

What can we do?

Children can be helped. The best thing for a child is a caring adult. If a child is touched by violence, spend time with the child. Be sure the child understands that you are there to listen. Help the child talk about the trauma, but do not make him or her talk. Answer questions honestly using words that your child understands. Try to understand that children may have new problem behaviors as a result of the trauma. These behaviors need your patience and understanding. Ask for help from friends, family, and medical and mental health experts for you and your child. For more information on treatment for children with PTSD, see our fact sheet PTSD and Trauma in Children and Teens.

Prevention programs are also important to keep community violence from happening. This involves gang prevention. Also, programs can help children and teens at risk for violence learn how to peacefully solve problems. These programs work better if they happen before age 6 years. They are also better if they are taught in the childrens' homes and schools. Programs should also try to prevent high-risk behaviors such as alcohol and drug use and carrying weapons.
Sources

Foy, D.W. & Goguen, C.A. (1998). Community violence-related PTSD in children and adolescents. PTSD Research Quarterly, 9(4), 1-6.

Sanders-Phillips, K. (1997). Assaultive violence in the community: Psychological responses of adolescent victims and their parents. Journal of Adolescent Health, 21, 356-365.

Scheeringa, M.S. & Zeanah, C.H. (1995). Symptom expression and trauma variables in children under 48 months of age. Infant Mental Health Journal, 16, 259-270.