How Can I Protect My Child From A Sexual Assault?

Parents are surrounded by messages about child sexual abuse. Talk shows and TV news warn parents about dangers at school, in the home and on the Internet. Despite all the media coverage, parents don’t get much advice about how to talk to their children about sexual abuse and how to prevent it.

Talk to your children about sexuality and sexual abuse in age-appropriate terms.

    * Talking openly and directly about sexuality teaches children that it is okay to talk to you when they have questions.

    * Teach children the names of their body parts so that they have the language to ask questions and express concerns about those body parts.

    * Teach children that some parts of their body are private.

          o Let children know that other people should not be touching or looking at their private parts unless they need to touch them to provide care. If someone does need to touch them in those private areas, a parent of trusted caregiver should be there, too.

          o Tell children that if someone tries to touch those private areas or wants to look at them, OR if someone tries to show the child their own private parts, they should tell a trusted adult as soon as possible.

    * All children should be told that it’s okay to say “no” to touches that make them uncomfortable or if someone is touching them in ways that make them uncomfortable and that they should tell a trusted adult as soon as possible.

          o This can lead to some slightly embarrassing situations, such as a child who then says they don’t want give a relative a hug or kiss! Work with your child to find ways to greet people that don’t involve uncomfortable kinds of touch.

          o Talking openly about sexuality and sexual abuse also teaches children that these things don’t need to be “secret.” Abusers will sometimes tell a child that the abuse is a secret. Let your children know that if someone is touching them or talking to them in ways that make them uncomfortable that it shouldn’t stay a secret.

          o Make sure to tell your child that that they will not get into trouble if they tell you this kind of secret.

    * Don’t try to put all this information into one big “talk” about sex.

          o Talking about sexuality and sexual abuse should be routine conversations.

Be involved in your child’s life
    * Be interested in your child’s activities.

          o Ask your child about the people they go to school with or play with.

          o If your child is involved in sports, go to games and practices. Get to know the other parents and coaches.

          o If your child is involved in after school activities or daycare, ask them what they did during the day.

  Talk about the Media.
          o If your child watches a lot of television or plays video games, watch or play with them.

                + Many TV shows (for example, CSI or Law and Order) show sexual violence of different kinds.

                + Some video games (for example, Grand Theft Auto) allow the user to engage in sexual violence.

          o Use examples from TV or games that you have watched or played together to start up conversations about sexuality and sexual abuse.

    * Know the other adults that your child might talk to.

          o Children sometimes feel that they cannot talk to their parents.

          o Know the other trusted adults in your child’s life.

Be available.
    * Make time to spend with your child.

    * Let your child know that they can come to you if they have questions or if someone is talking to them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable.

          o Be sure to follow up on this! If your child comes to you with concerns or questions, make time to talk to them.

When you empower your child to say “no” to unwanted touch and teach them that they can come to you with questions and concerns, you take critical steps to preventing child sexual abuse.  -Birdy

What Is Stalking?

What Is Stalking?

Stalking Can Escalate into Violence

Stalking refers to repeated harassing or threatening behavior by an individual, such as following a person, appearing at a person's home or place of business, making harassing phone calls, leaving written messages or objects, or vandalizing a person's property, according to the U.S. Department of Justice Office for Victims of Crime.

Any unwanted contact between two people that directly or indirectly communicates a threat or places the victim in fear can be considered stalking, but the actual legal definition of stalking varies from state to state according to each state's laws.

According to the Office for Victims of Crime brochure "Stalking Victimization," anyone can be a stalker, just as anyone can be a stalking victim. The brochure points out:

Stalking is a crime that can touch anyone, regardless of gender, race, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, geographic location, or personal associations. Most stalkers are young to middle-aged men with above-average intelligence.

Unfortunately, there is no single psychological or behavioral profile for stalkers. Every stalker is different. This makes it virtually impossible to devise a single effective strategy that can be applied to every situation. It is vital that stalking victims immediately seek the advice of local victim specialists who can work with them to devise a safety plan for their unique situation and circumstances.

Some stalkers develop an obsession for another person with whom they have no personal relationship. When the victim does not respond as the stalker hopes, the stalker may attempt to force the victim to comply by use of threats and intimidation. When threats and intimidation fail, some stalkers turn to violence.
Stalking Can Become Violent.

The most prevalent type of stalking case involves some previous personal or romantic relationship between the stalker and the victim. This includes domestic violence cases and relationships in which there is no history of violence. In these cases, stalkers try to control every aspect of their victims' lives.

The victim becomes the stalker's source of self-esteem, and the loss of the relationship becomes the stalker's greatest fear. This dynamic makes a stalker dangerous. Stalking cases that emerge from domestic violence situations, however, are the most lethal type of stalking.

The stalker may attempt to renew the relationship by sending flowers, gifts, and love letters. When the victim spurns these unwelcome advances, the stalker often turns to intimidation. Attempts at intimidation typically begin in the form of an unjustified and inappropriate intrusion into the victim's life.

The intrusions become more frequent over time. This harassing behavior often escalates to direct or indirect threats. Unfortunately, cases that reach this level of seriousness often end in violence.


Source: Office for the Victims of Crime

Profile of a Pedophile
By: Thomas "Birdy" McKee

Pedophiles Can Be Anyone:

Pedophiles can be anyone -- old or young, rich or poor, educated or uneducated, non-professional or professional, and of any race. However, pedophiles often demonstrate similar characteristics, but these are merely indicators and it should not be assumed that individuals with these characteristics are pedophiles. But knowledge of these characteristics coupled with questionable behavior can be used as an alert that someone may be a pedophile.

Characteristics of a Pedophile :

Often the pedophile is male and over 30 years of age.

Single or with few friends in his age group.

If married, the relationship is more "companion" based with no sexual relations.
He is often vague about time gaps in employment which may indicate a loss in employment for questionable reasons or possible past incarceration.

Pedophiles Like Child-like Activities:

He is often fascinated with children and child activities appearing to prefer those activities to adult oriented activities.

He will often refer to children in pure or angelic terms using descriptives like innocent, heavenly, divine, pure, and other words that describe children but seem inappropriate and exaggerated.

He has hobbies that are child-like such as collecting popular expensive toys, keeping reptiles or exotic pets, or building plane and car models.

Pedophiles Often Prefer Children Close to Puberty:

Pedophiles often have a specific age of child they target. Some prefer younger children, some older.

Often his environment or a special room will be decorated in child-like decor and will appeal to the age and sex of the child he is trying to entice.

Many pedophiles often prefer children close to puberty who are sexually inexperienced, but curious about sex.

Pedophiles Work Around Children:

The pedophile will often be employed in a position that involves daily contact with children. If not employed, he will put himself in a position to do volunteer work with children, often in a supervisory capacity such as sports coaching, contact sport instruction, unsupervised tutoring or a position where he has the opportunity to spend unsupervised time with a child.

The Target Child:

The pedophile often seeks out shy, handicapped, and withdrawn children, or those who come from troubled homes or under privileged homes. He then showers them with attention, gifts, taunting them with trips to desirable places like amusement parks, zoo's, concerts, the beach and other such places.

Manipulation of the Innocent:

Pedophiles work to master their manipulative skills and often unleash them on troubled children by first becoming their friend, building the the child's self esteem. They may refer to the child as special or mature, appealing to their need to be heard and understood then entice them with adult type activities that are often sexual in content such as x-rated movies or pictures. They offer them alcohol or drugs to hamper their ability to resist activities or recall events that occurred.

Stockholm Syndrome:

It is not unusual for the child to develop feelings for the predator and desire their approval and continued acceptance. They will compromise their innate ability to decipher good and bad behavior, ultimately justifying the criminal's bad behavior out of sympathy and concern for the adults welfare. This is often compared to Stockholm Syndrome - when victims become attached emotionally to their captors.

The Single Parent:

Many times pedophiles will develop a close relationship with a single parent in order to get close to their children. Once inside the home, they have many opportunities to manipulate the children -- using guilt, fear, and love to confuse the child. If the child's parent works, it offers the pedophile the private time needed to abuse the child.

Fighting Back:

Pedophiles work hard at stalking their targets and will patiently work to develop relationships with them. It is not uncommon for them to be developing a long list of potential victims at any one time. Many of them believe that what they are doing is not wrong and that having sex with a child is actually "healthy" for the child.

Almost all pedophiles have a collection of pornography, which they protect at all costs. Many of them also collect "souvenirs" from their victims. They rarely discard either their porn or collections for any reason.

One factor that works against the pedophile is that eventually the children will grow up and recall the events that occurred. Often pedophiles are not brought to justice until such time occurs and victims are angered by being victimized and want to protect other children from the same consequences.

Laws such as Megan's Law - a federal law passed in 1996 that authorizes local law enforcement agencies to notify the public about convicted sex offenders living, working or visiting their communities, have helped expose the pedophile and allows parents to better protect their children.