Yes, sir, after 493 eons (give or take a couple hundred years) I found out where the origin of normal reality starts out. And, you will also know. So, I stand before you, humbly, so that you may know that the beginning of this long journey is not in vain; I just need to know whether you are a boy (with a dangle) or a girl (with an extra pocket) or you are unsure … Take your time, as I now have the time, to take you on the most fantastic journey that one could ever possibly go on … You are not sure, huh? Well I understand that, so I give you three humans, the left is with a dangle, the middle is not quite sure whether it’s a he or a she, and on the far right, the one squatting (yeah she is urinating) is a woman, and since you are unsure what your sex is, we shall choose to enter into the body of the middle one (she - he, or maybe it is a he - she, is equally unsure), in order for us to enter this human we will need to be smaller … Oh, how you ask, my workers assistants will wrap us up, together in the newest scientific discovery, this sheathing will protect our (already) fragile bodies and allow us to make the journey with little discomfort, yes, yes, it is called ‘shrink wrap’ after we are covered we shall enter that box right over there to be shrunk, it is called a microwave, and it will shrink us to the size of 100 µm in diameter, or the size of a human cell, (a rather fat ‘red blood’ cell to be exact). So are you ready? No, it should not take us more than 158775 days or 435 years, but with the new scientific instrument “the stromberger effect” it will actually only take us 1.551 years, because this instrument wraps us in an inpentratable shield made up of neutrons which allows us to travel 102359 years in a single year, and a magnetic cover made up of hydrargyrum which will allow us to go even faster, but I guarantee that we should be back before the sunrise of (let’s see, today is Saturday morning, so, it should be right around Sunday, at 2337 hrs. yeah I’ll just say …) Monday afternoon (yeah that’s on the safe side). No you will not need to pack a lunch, (as I truly doubt, very seriously, that your stomach will hold any food), and yes you shall be quite delighted (and nauseated) by this trip, the wonders that you will see (and stare at while asking yourself ‘what the …) will more than make up for the time that we spend on this journey. Thus, you need not concern yourself over these minute details, as it will be fantastic, breath taking (as in you might want to stop breathing now), you will be amazed (and quite disgusted) by the sights and sounds (pack some ear plugs and a gas mask) of his magnificent journey. No, the admission is free (so pay at the door) you may be a wee bit tired by the long journey so you just pull up a chair (and sit on the floor). Now, are we ready? Good, let us begin … You need to speak up as all I am hearing is mumbling. What is that? Eh? Here let me make some minor adjustments to your voice box, because if I cannot hear you then if you become lost or injured I will not know and therefore I will not be able to assist; calm down this will only take a few seconds, let me get my toolbox, yes, a screw driver will work wonderfully … lift your chin up, and stop trying to cover your neck, how am I to adjust if I cannot see what I am doing … Ahh, there it is, I would say just a half a turn will be sufficient … There not say something … ‘growl’ okay let me try again, can you say something now? “What the hell are you doing to me?” Ahh, yes, you needed a little adjusting.
Now shall we begin? “How are we going to get into his or her mouth, without being chewed on?” That is the easy part, the assistants will stuff us into that straw over there, and put some tissue behind us, then shoot us out to the mouth with the rubber band that is used for that purpose. “Oh, well then I guess I am ready.” Then we shall go. Wait, wait, and wait! “What, are we going or not?’” Yes, we are going, but …One of my assistants just informed me that there just might be an easier path. “Huh?” You see there is a spreading red spot on his right side, “his, I thought you said he was a she, or she was a he, an undecided one;” it’s just a reference, most folks call someone a he, his, or him when making a general reference. “Oh, okay, so there is an easier path to go?” Well, it seems that he has been shot, “he does not look like he is in any pain, so how can you be sure?” Look here, I seen this one walk about with a broken arm for over 20 days before he figured there was something wrong, then went to medical to get it fixed.
“Wow, really, he didn’t feel any pain?” Well, with all the drugs that he puts in his system, it’s a wonder he is still with us. “Why does he put drugs in his system?” Oh it is a voluntary act, I think that people who do that just want the feeling, and really do not care of the damage they are doing to their bodies. “Hmm, so what you’re saying is, that people voluntarily poison themselves to feel good?” Yup, it happens all the time. “So, what’s the easiest way to get to this mystical place, where normal reality begins?” We go through the whole made by the projectile and it should, as my assistant is telling me, lead us to the opening of the organ where the normal reality is born. “Whew, and here I thought it will take us years to get there now you’re saying it may only be just a couple hours?” Hours hell! Minutes! So my assistants are adjusting our cannon now, and we are ready to load her up, so let’s go. You in first, “Wait, why do I have to be first?” That is just the nature of the flight I am the rudder of sorts to guide us to where we need to go. “Oh, okay I suppose.” So in you go, “Hey, watch what you’re doing with that hand, pal!” what? “Get your hand off my ass, I don’t do that anymore.” Or any less. “What did you just say?” Nothing. “Yeah, I thought so.” Whatever. Alright we are cocked. “We are not, like said I don’t do that anymore,” and loaded, and here we go ….. Swoosh. “Wow, what a stench, it smells like an old outhouse that hasn’t been cleaned in years that someone just tipped over!” Get used to it, we will be here for just a few minutes… “So where are we?” Well you see that opening right over there at the base of that tube full of half predigested junk, “Yeah, and?” Well, we, made it to what humans knows are the appendix, you see we are at the bottom if the large intestine, that smaller tunnel over there (pointing) is the beginning of the small intestine, and the stench is a natural process, whereby the body processes food (if what he is eating can be called that) and takes out all the nutrients before expelling the stuff that it no longer needs. “What? I need to get out of here!” Calm down, a couple of deep breaths, count to ten slowly… “I don’t need deep breaths, I am already gagging.”
Let us, continue. “Why are there all these red globes hanging all over the place?” Oh that’s just disease, and the least of his worries. “Really, hmm.” So we are almost there, let’s go! Now through the opening. Ahh, it’s still there. “What?” Sir, I give you the birth place of normal reality, ta da… “Really, where I don’t see anything other than bits and pieces of junk and a couple rusty nails.” No it’s right there (pointing). “Really, it’s a cell that has split into two halves where it looks like, one half of the cell is a bit wrinkled.” Yup that’s it, do you see the little speck at the base of the cell? “Oh yeah, I do see that, hmmm.” Well on the fully mature side of the cell is the normal reality birth place, and the other side who started out as normal, got educated before it was meant to be. Now that speck needs to decide whether to travel the path of least resistance , and go normal, or be enlightened and travel to the other side, and, and, yippppeeee, we have another birth of abnormal reality… wheeeee
In bird’s reality nothing is impossible.