WHEN SOMEONE YOU KNOW HAS BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED

The support of family and friends is very important for someone who has been sexually assaulted. It is important to realize that you are a secondary victim to the attack. You too may feel confusion, anger, shock, and disbelief when you first hear someone you care about has been raped. However, be aware that your initial reactions may be harmful to the victim.

Some Dysfunctional Responses:

• Expressing pity, shock, or disgust
• Blaming the Victim
• Asking the Victim "Why?"
• Denial of the Event
• Seeking Revenge
• Expressing Anger
• Investigating
• Being over-protective or controlling

These responses seem natural, but may cause victims to further blame themselves or prevent them from regaining what they lost - a sense of power and control.

Providing support for someone who has been sexually assaulted can be a very difficult task. It is hard not to give advice, to expect the victim to react in certain ways, or to want things to get back to normal right away. Keep in mind that victims may behave differently after the attack. They may be afraid to stay alone or they may completely withdraw. They may cry a lot, be irritable or have trouble sleeping. They may start doing things they never did before like staying out late, drinking or smoking.

These reactions are painful to watch, but your care and support can help. You may begin to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or drained.

These are normal reactions. Avoid burning out by setting limits early. Do not try to be her sole support. Remember to take time for yourself. Victims can and do recover..but it takes time.

Effective Significant Others:

• Believe, accept, and support what the victim says.
• Reassure the victim that it was not their fault.
• Accept the victim's feelings and choices.
• Listen without judging.
• Express their feelings without blame.
• Make offers—not demands.
• Remain calm.
• Remove responsibility from the victim.
• Are PATIENT.
• Engage help for themselves.

Sexual Assault is not about sex... it is about power and control. 

 

Sexual assault is NEVER the Victim's Fault.

-Birdy