PART I: IS Something not right at home?

WHAT FAMILIES SHOULD BE LIKE...? 

Families come in all shapes and sizes and few look much like the Brady Bunch or the nice families on Neighbors’.

SOS QUIZ 

This quiz helps you to work out what you are feeling about your family and whether there are warning signs that something’s not right at home.

Statement Always Sometimes Never:

I feel relaxed when I am around my family. 

My parents look after me. 

I worry about how one member of my family treats another. 

My parents care about me. 

I feel nervous or scared around certain members of my family. I trust people in my family not to hurt me.

 Everyone in my family is treated like they are important. I worry that one member of my family might hurt another. 

My parents treat each other with respect.

If you circled any one of the above these are alarm bells, it sounds like you don’t always feel okay around your family.

While things might be happy sometimes, maybe at other times people don’t treat you or other family members as they should.

Seeing one parent treat the other badly can really affect you. If one parent is abusing the other, they are also abusing you. They are not making your home a safe or happy place to be.

ABUSING YOUNG PEOPLE

Abuse is when parents or other family members do things that hurt you, scare you or make you feel bad about yourself. 

Emotional abuse is when a parent or family member constantly puts you down or makes you feel like they don’t want you or don’t care about you.

 ‘It feels like I’m not important. She says I’m stupid and I’m always in the way, she wishes she never had me.’ 

Neglect is when a parent doesn’t look after your basic needs (like providing food, clothes, a safe home and medical attention). 

‘When mum was off her face I’d have to feed and take care of myself even when I was a little kid. I used to stay at home a lot to look after her.’ 

Physical abuse is when a family member hits, bashes, or physically injures you, or threatens to hurt you. 

‘He used to kick or hit me if I didn’t do what I was told.’

‘My father used to touch me in a horrible way when mum was at work at night. He told me that mum would kick me out if she found out.’ 

THERE’S NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSING ANOTHER PERSON 

Keep in mind thatNo one ever deserves to be abused. The blame for the abuse lies with the person who’s doing it. 

]They don’t have to act this way. It’s their choice. 

Any form of abuse is wrong. Physical and sexual abuse, and threats to hurt another person, are also against the law. 

HOW IS THIS AFFECTING ME? 

Being abused or watching other family members being abused can be painful and confusing. 

Here’s what other people said about how abuse affected them. 

Maybe you’ve felt like this or maybe you’ve had different reactions. There’s no right or wrong way to feel. 

‘The way I coped with the sexual abuse taught me a lot about myself. It’s made me a lot stronger, and through this very difficult time I’ve discovered the real me. I’ve learned to appreciate life more.... abuse never goes away, you just learn to deal with it and accept what has happened …’ 

Drugs are not the answer. Improve yourself, don’t make it worse. From my experience I have found that the drugs don’t work.

GETTING SAFE 

It’s very important to think about ways to protect yourself from abuse, or from seeing abuse between other family members. 

What other people have done when they felt scared or threatened 

MAKE UP YOUR OWN SAFETY ACTION PLAN 

Somewhere safe I can go when things get scary is:

A person I trust who could help if I’m in a situation that scares me is:_______________.

Their phone number is: ________________________________.

Our code word is: ____________________________________.

When I use this code word, call the police for me. Using this Code word this person should:________________.

Tell a trusted adult or ring a help-line.

Meet me somewhere that we’ve agreed on. This place is ___________________________.

From now on I’ll make sure I have make a phone call from a public phone with enough money in my pocket to: 

Buy a bus ticket 

Catch a taxi 

Tell someone what’s going on. 

It can be a bit scary, but telling someone can help get safer and make you feel less alone. 

It takes a while to find the right person to tell but keep trying ’cos you feel a lot better if you don’t have to deal with it on your own.’ 

A TRUE STORY:

My name’s Wo. My stepfather has abused me, my sister and my mother. I remember a long time back when I was only a little kid hiding in my room from all the yelling. I heard a very loud scream and raced to the kitchen where the noise was coming from and saw my step-dad with his hands around my mother’s throat throwing punches at her.

I tried to stop him but got a bowl of food thrown at me. I remember being dragged outside by my shirt and locked in the shed by myself for hours. Many years have passed since then, and while I can’t say the situation has changed, I certainly have. I’m no longer that little boy who couldn’t defend himself. What’s got me through is the love of my mother and sister and other people who guided me and helped me find the strength to stand up for myself and, ultimately, to walk away from the situation. 

Services Offered:

(RAPE RELIEF)

From anywhere in the U.S. call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE(4673) or call 202-544-3064 to reach the RAINN business office.

Alabama Coalition Against Rape
Montgomery, AL
334-264-0123

Alaska Network on Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault (ANDVSA)
Juneau, AK
907-586-3650

Arizona Sexual Assault Network (AzSAN)
Phoenix, AZ
602-258-1195

Arkansas Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Fayetteville, AR
479-527-0900

CALCASA Rape Prevention Resource Center
Sacramento, CA
916-446-2520

Colorado Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Denver, CO
303-861-7033

Connecticut Sexual Assault Crisis Services (CONNSACS)
East Hartford, CT
860-282-9881

Contact Lifeline
Wilmington, DE
302-761-9800

DC Rape Crisis Center
Washington, DC
202-232-0789

Florida Council Against Sexual Violence
Tallahassee, FL
850-297-2000

Georgia Network to End Sexual Assault (GNESA)
Atlanta, GA
404-815-5261

Guam Healing Arts Crisis Center
Tamuning, GU
671-647-5351

Hawaii State Coalition for the Prevention of Sexual Assault
Honolulu, HI
808-733-9038

Idaho Coalition Against Sexual & Domestic Violence (ICASDV)
Boise, ID
208-384-0419

Illinois Coalition Against Sexual Assault (ICASA)
Springfield, IL
217-753-4117

Indiana Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Indianapolis, IN
317-423-0233 

Iowa Coalition Against Sexual Assault (ICASA)
Des Moines, IA
515-244-7424

Kansas Coalition Against Sexual & Domestic Violence
Topeka, KS
785-232-9784

Kentucky Association of Sexual Assault Programs
Frankfort, KY
502-226-2704

Louisiana Foundation Against Sexual Assault (LAFASA)
Hammond, LA
985-345-5995

Maine Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Augusta, ME
207-626-0034

Maryland Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Silver Spring, MD
301-328-7023

Jane Doe Inc. / MCASADV
Boston, MA
617-248-0922

Men Can Stop Rape
Washington, DC
202-265-6530

Michigan Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence
Okemos, MI
517-347-7000

Minnesota Coalition Against Sexual Assault
St. Paul, MN
651-209-9993 

Mississippi Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Jackson, MS
601-948-0555

Missouri Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
Jefferson City, MO
573-634-4161

Montana Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault

Helena, MT
406-443-7794

Nebraska Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault Coalition
Lincoln, NE
402-476-6256

Nevada Coalition Against Sexual Violence
Las Vegas, NV
775-355-2220

New Hampshire Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence
Concord, NH
603-224-8893

New Jersey Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Trenton, NJ
609-631-4450

New Mexico Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs
Albuquerque, NM
505-883-8020

New York State Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Albany, NY
518-482-4222

New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault
New York, NY
212-229-0345

North Carolina Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Raleigh NC
888-737-CASA (2272)

North Dakota Council on Abused Women's Services/CASAND
Bismarck, ND
701-255-6240

Ohio Alliance to End Sexual Violence
Cleveland, OH
888-886-8388

Oklahoma Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Oklahoma City, OK
405-524-0700

Oregon Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
Portland, OR
503-230-1951

Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape (PCAR)
Enola, PA
717-728-9740 

Day One
100 Medway Street
Providence, RI 02906
401-421-4100
401-454-5565 (fax)
E-mail: info@DayOneRI.org

South Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault
Columbia, SC
803-256-2900

South Dakota Coalition Against Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault
Pierre, SD
605-945-0869

Tennessee Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
Nashville, TN
615-386-9406

Texas Association Against Sexual Assault
Austin, TX
512-474-7190 

Utah Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Salt Lake City, UT
801-322-1500

Vermont Network Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Montpelier, VT
802-223-1302

Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance
Charlottesville, VA
434-979-9002
Richmond, VA
804-377-0335 (v/tty)

Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs
Olympia, WA
360-754-7583

West Virginia Foundation for Rape Information and Services
Fairmont, WV
304-366-9500

Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Madison, WI
608-257-1516

Wyoming Coalition Against Violence & Sexual Assault
Laramie, WY
307-755-5481

National Hotlines

National Domestic Violence Hotline They Are Staffed 24 hours a day by trained counselors who can provide crisis assistance and information about shelters, legal advocacy, health care centers, and counseling. 

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TDD) 

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network

The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) is the nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization.  Among its programs, RAINN created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE and the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline at rainn.org . This nationwide partnership of more than 1,100 local rape crisis centers provides victims of sexual assault with free, confidential services, 24 hours per day, 7 days per week.  These hotlines have helped over 1.3 million people since RAINN's founding in 1994.

1-800-656-HOPE 

National Organizations 

Family Violence Prevention Fund
383 Rhode Island Street, Suite 304
San Francisco, CA 94103-5133
Phone: 415-252-8900
TTY:800-595-4889
FAX: 415-252-8991
E-mail: info@endabuse.org

Washington, DC Office
1101 14th Street, NW #300
Washington DC 11005
Phone: 202-682-1212
Fax: 202-682-4662

Boston Office
67 Newbury Street, Mezzanine Level
Boston, MA 02116
Phone: 617-262-5900
Fax:617-262-5901 

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Main Office:1120
Lincon Street
Suite 1603
Denver, CO 80203
Phone: 303 839 1852
TTY: (303) 839-8459
Fax: (303) 831-9251
E-mail: mainoffice@ncadv.org

 

Public Policy Office
1633 Q Street NW, Suite 210
Washington, DC 11009
Phone: (202) 745-1211
TTY: (202) 745-2042
Fax: (202) 745-0088
E-mail: publicpolicy@ncadv.org

 

National Battered Women's Law Project
275 7th Avenue, Suite 1206
New York, NY 10001
Phone: 212-741-9480
FAX: 212-741-6438 

Safe Horizons
2 Lafayette Street, 3rd Floor
New York, NY 10007
Crime Victims HOTLINE: 800-621-4673
Rape and Sexual Assult & Incest HOTLINE: 212-227-3000
TYY (for all HOTLINES) 866-604-5350
Fax:212-577-3897
E-mail: help@safehorizons.org

Domestic Violence Shelter Tour
2 Lafayette Street 3rd Floor
New York, NY 10007
Phone: 212-577-7700
Fax: 212-385-0331
24-hour hotline: 800-621-HOPE (4673) 

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence
6400 Flank Drive, Suite 1300
Harrisburg, PA 17112
Phone: 800-537-2238
Fax: 717-545-9456

Legal Office:
Phone: 717-545-6400
TOLL FREE: 800-932-4632
TTY:800-533-2508
Fax: 717-671-5542 

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
Phone: 800-537-2238
TTY:888-Rx-ABUSE; 800- 595 -4889
Fax: 717-545-9456 

Health Resource Center on Domestic Violence
Family Violence Prevention Fund
383 Rhode Island Street, Suite 304
San Francisco, CA 94103-5133
Phone: 800-313-1310
FAX: 415-252-8991 

Battered Women's Justice Project
Minnesota Program Development, Inc
1801 Nicollet Ave, Suite 102
Minneapolis, MN 55403
Phone: 800-903-0111, ext.1
Phone: 612-824-8768
Fax: 612-824-8965 

Resource Center on Domestic Violence, Child Protection, and Custody
NCJFCJ
P.O. Box 8970
Reno, NV 89507
Office: 775-784-6012
Phone: 800-527-3223
Fax: 775-784-6628
Email: staff@ncjfcj.org They are only a resource center for professionals and agencies.

 

Battered Women's Justice Project
c/o National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women
125 South 9th Street, Suite 302
Philadelphia, PA 19107
TOLL-FREE: 800-903-0111 ext. 3
Phone: 215-351-0010
FAX: 215-351-0779 National Clearinghouse is a national resource and advocacy center providing assistance to women defendants, their defense attorneys, and other members of their defense teams in an effort to insure justice for battered women charged with crimes.

 

National Clearinghouse on Marital and Date Rape
2325 Oak Street
Berkeley, CA 94708
Phone: 510-524-1582 

Faith Trust Institute
(Formerly Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence)
2400 N. 45th Street #10
Seattle , WA 98103
Phone: 206-634-1903, ext. 10
Fax: 206-634-0115
Email: info@faithtrustinstitute.org

National Network to End Domestic Violence
1101 S Street NW, Suite 400
Washington, DC 11009
Phone: 202-543-5566
HOTLINE:800-799-SAFE (7233)
TTY: 800-787-3224
FAX: 202-543-5626 

Other Helpful Sites:

Womenspace National Network to End Violence Against Immigrant Women
1212 Stuyvesant Ave.
Trenton, NJ 08618
Phone: 609-394-0136
24 Hour Mercer County Hotline: 609-394-9000
Fax:609-396-1093
Email: info@womenspace.org

Counseling &Support Services
1860 Brunswick Ave.
Lawrenceville, NJ 086448
Phone: 609-394-2532 

Domestic Violence

The NCJFCJ has advanced social change in courts and communities across the country by providing cutting-edge training, technical assistance, and policy development on issues related to the effects of abuse across a lifespan. The NCJFCJ's projects have enhanced the safety, well-being, and stability of domestic violence victims and their children by improving the response of criminal, civil, and social justice systems. 

Please call (800) 527-3223 or email fvdinfo@ncjfcj.org for additional information or assistance.

Beginning the Recovery Process for Incest Survivors

If you are a child of abuse and incest, you may not be aware of how deeply that experience has impacted you. Perhaps you don’t realize even on how many different levels you are affected, or how deeply the potential for damages can run within. 

Why it is so critical for an incest survivor to seek help.

One act of abuse can be as shattering as many acts of abuse because of how each of us differ in our minds and spirits. One incest survivor may have only a few key areas to heal and restore while another may face reconstructing his or her entire “self”. 

Aan incest survivor, no matter how much you face, fixing this is not something that should be done without the help of a professional counselor. The complex nature of our emotional, mental and physical health – and how they intertwine physiologically with our spiritual well-being – all need to be addressed with a professional’s help.

You may thing you are  jumping back into the trenches again because now have such valuable insights into this process, insights which I think can be very helpful. It’s one thing to have someone tell you in recovery “You can make it, you can get through this”. But if that person never went through it themselves, or anything anywhere near as daunting, it can hinder the trust levels, obviously working with professionals is paramount. I promote it and I also promote how important it is to have someone in your life who has overcome what you are trying to overcome so that you can turn to them as well for inspiration for insider tips and empathy. Both are equally important. 

Indicators of abuse.

If you are a survivor and you are not sure if you should enter counseling, here are some warning signs that may indicate you need a deeper level of healing than you are able to reach alone. 

These are warning signs that you are not past it:

If you self medicate with alcohol and pills to escape yourself, 

If you can’t establish sexual intimacy, or can but not without emotional distress or negative emotions of any kind, 

If you are a control freak that must direct any and all situations, 

If you are promiscuous and never let your walls down, 

If you want to hurt yourself, or are hurting yourself, or have frequent suicidal thoughts, 

If you spend massive energy suppressing your thoughts, 

If you are abusive verbally, mentally, or physically, 

If you experience deep depression, 

If you are overwhelmed everyday by intense crazy emotions or frantic thoughts, 

If your relationships are always abusive. 

I have sat and listened to men and women say with such confidence that they are past it and didn’t need counseling. But as they continued to talk, they admitted to not being able to have an orgasm or to feel love for a man or women. They would say that they had a pharmacy of illegal drugs to help them cope daily … or that they could not be close to others… or acting out but they were just fine and they were past it. I was hearing someone who was not past it, decidely in the grips of attempting to control the chaos within themselves. 

Incest: Help for (non-abusing) Parents

If you have recently learned that your child is a victim of incest, you may be experiencing a range of emotions. You might feel…

Shock

• If you had no idea that incest was occurring, you may be very surprised to hear what has happened.
• You may have difficulty figuring out how to respond to your child or to the abuser.

Anger

• You may feel angry at the abuser for hurting your child.
• If you weren’t aware of the abuse, you may feel angry at your child for not telling you.
• You might feel angry at your child for disclosing the abuse.

Sadness

• You may feel sad for your child, for what this means to your family, or for yourself because you need to deal with this situation.

Anxiety

• You might feel anxiety about responding the “right” way to your child.
• You might feel anxiety about how this will impact your relationship with your child or the abuser.
• You may worry that this has legal consequences for you.

Fear

• Depending on your family circumstances, you may be afraid that the abuser will find a way to harm you or your child.
• If the abuser was responsible for supporting the family, you may be afraid of being on your own.

There is no “wrong” way to feel. What is important is that you are able to support your child and help them through this situation without blaming them. Remember that abuse is never the victim’s fault!!

Once you and your child are safe and the abuser no longer has access to your child, you can both begin the process of healing.

To support your child in their healing process, you need to take care of yourself. Good self-care is not selfish. It is essential to take care of yourself so that you can support your child.

• Manage your emotions.
• You may consider talking to a counselor.
• After many incest situations, the family may be in counseling. You might also consider individual counseling. The advantage of individual counseling is that the focus can be entirely on you and it will give you the opportunity to work through your feelings and concerns about the situation without needing to worry about how your child will hear those concerns.
• Local rape crisis centers often provide counseling or can connect you with a provider. Call (800) 656-HOPE or go to http://centers.rainn.org/ to find a center near you.
• Develop your support system
• Reach out to friends and family who are supportive and who you feel comfortable talking to about your family situation.
• Consider joining a support group for non-abusing parents of incest victims.
• Keep a journal.
• It may be helpful to write down some of the feelings that you are experiencing.
• Practice meditation or relaxation exercises.
• Relaxation techniques or meditation may help maintain your emotional balance.
• Set limits.
• Make sure that you spend time doing activities that have nothing to do with the incest situation.
• Set aside time as needed to cope with the incest situation, whether that means dealing with the legal situation, counseling appointments, visitation or other tasks. When that time is up, move on to other activities.
• Make sure that you are involved in some activities that don’t revolve around the incest situation.

You may find that supporting your child is a challenge. Victims have a wide range of reactions to abuse. Your child…

• Might want to talk about the abuse all the time.
• Might not want to talk at all.
• Might not want to talk to you, but may be confiding in someone else.
• Might be angry at you for not protecting them.
• Might be angry at you for ending the abuse.
• They might be experiencing a range of other reactions. It is difficult to predict how a victim will respond, and it may change over time.

Remember that there is no “right” way for a victim to respond to abuse. The process of healing from incest can take a long time, and can be very frustrating. Sometimes it can feel like there is no progress at all! This can be especially frustrating for people who are trying to support the victim.

If you or your child is still in an incest situation, do not hesitate to ask for help.

• You can call Child Protective Services (CPS) for your area.
• You can find the number for CPS in RAINN’s mandatory reporting database. Information is listed by state.
• You can also find the number for Child Protective Services in the Blue Pages of your phone book.
• Your local police department can help you contact CPS.
• If you believe that the child is in immediate danger, call 911!

This is a Work in progress, more will be added later-on, I am still working on this article.  Just remember that there is help out there for you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  -Birdy

Restaurants on the Cheap: 5 Ways to Get Deals on Dining Out

Do you just love to eat at restaurants, but feel the tab for dining out is getting a little excessive?

You can buy great meals at great restaurants for a pittance if you know how to find coupons and discounts for eating out, said Annie Korzen, an actress best known for her regular appearances in Seinfeld and a self-proclaimed “Bargain Junkie.”

Restaurants commonly sell $25 gift certificates for $10–and they can sometimes be had for as little as $2, said Korzen, author of the just published ”Bargain Junkie: Living the Good Life on the Cheap.”

That’s just among 5 tips of how to get great deals at restaurants.

How do you get the best deals on restaurant meals?

• Sign up at Restaurants.com, where you plug in your zip code and peruse a menu of dozens of local restaurants willing to sell a $25 gift certificate for $10 and a $50 certificate for $20. These gift certificates often go on “sale,” Korzen added. At times, you can buy your $25 meal gift certificate for just $2. 
   
• BlackboardEats.com is another site that offers coupon deals for restaurants. The deals range from providing huge discounts, such as 30% off your meal, to offers for free appetizers or entrees. At the moment, they’ve only got deals in LA and NYC. But if you happen to live in (or visit) one of those two areas, it’s worth a look. 
   
• Groupon.com offers coupons on everything from spa visits to restaurant meals. The typical deal will discount your meal (or massage) from 30% to more than $75%. If you sign up, they’ll send regular emails of the daily deals in your area. You decide whether to buy or delete. 
   
• ChowHound.com is a site where foodies talk to foodies. This recent discussion thread tells where you can get 
  restaurant meals for $5 or less. Uhmmmm, tacos….
   
• If you’re a drinker, call the restaurant where you want to eat and ask about their “corkage” fee, Korzen suggested. Some eateries will let you bring your own bottle and charge only a small fee to have the waiter serve it. Since restaurants typically mark-up a bottle of wine by 300 or 400%, bringing your own can save a bundle.
  

There’s just one caveat: Make sure you read the fine print on all of the coupon deals because the certificates do expire and some can only be used for lunch or on certain days. Most also add in the tip before deducting the value of the coupon to make sure that the waiter doesn’t get stiffed on the deal.



Enjoy -Birdy

Your Home and Personal Security

What cops and crooks say you're doing wrong. You're an easy target. That's what we heard when we talked to police, experts, and especially people who have spent time on the other side of the law. As vacation season begins, and crime doesn't take a holiday, these security missteps may surprise you -- or at least remind you what police dramas taught: Be careful out there. Here are the mistakes to avoid at home, with your electronics, and for your personal finances:

At Home
Making a break-in too easy
"About half of all break-ins aren't break-ins but walk-ins," says Bob Portenier, consultant, lecturer, and former burglar. "Families get in a hurry in the morning -- kids going to school, running late for work, doctors' appointments, what have you -- and forget to take that one or two minutes to check the doors and locks, usually on the back side. You have a pet, you let it out to do its business -- and then forget the security French door or sliding glass door."

Remember, don't forget to turn on your home alarm. In a security survey of 1,038 U.S. homeowners that was   conducted in February 1013, 53% of people in this survey who had an alarm said they at least occasionally don't turn it on when they're not at home. Some other troubling numbers. 29% of people in this survey said they at least occasionally leave doors at home unlocked when they're out, and 26% of survey respondents said they at least occasionally leave windows unlocked when they're not at home.

Leaving your garage door open
In addition to providing access to everything in the garage, the door most likely leads to an interior door and access to your house. That interior door probably isn't as strong as an exterior door. And once a burglar's in your garage, the neighbors can't see him.

Obscuring your house
Tall hedges and fences hide windows and doors, giving thieves cover to work, says Walter T. Shaw, former burglar and co-author of "A License to Steal."

Leaving valuables in sight
"When we targeted a house, we would approach the door and look in -- the quality of furniture, whatever there was -- to give us an idea of how these people spend their money," says Portenier. "So with mirror-tinted windows, it eliminates that."

Advertising a vacation
People often don't do anything to make the house look occupied, says Maj. Kurt Philipps of the Memphis police department. Lt. John Dzwlewicz of the New York City police department suggests this trick: Put some inexpensive kids' toys on the lawn. On Facebook, share news of your trip only after you return.

Being carefree with your keys
Leaving keys under the doormat or elsewhere outside the home is a risk that 12% of people in the survey say they often take. Another 7% say they do it occasionally. And 66% say they have given a key to someone other than a resident of their home.

And avoid hiding your car keys inside or outside the car. That just makes it easier for thieves to engage in a spur-of-the-moment theft, authorities say. Many of today's cars make it difficult to lock your keys inside. If you're concerned about that anyway, keep a spare in your wallet or purse. 12% of people in this survey said they at least occasionally leave car keys in the ignition when parked. And 52 % of people from non-metro areas in the survey said they at least occasionally leave their car unlocked outside.

Tossing in the garbage your prescription bottles
Prescription labels on pill bottles can contain important information such as phone numbers, doctors, and prescription numbers. Remove the labels and shred them. Also be careful with medical records. And also treat your benefit claims forms, insurance reimbursements, and even medical tests as confidential information and destroy them before discarding.

Thinking that a gun is your best defense
Gun ownership is a controversial topic, but research has shown that homeowners with guns increase the risks in their home. Homeowners might make the mistake of not getting proper training and not securing their firearms. Thirty-two percent reported having a gun as a security measure. And 73% of gun owners thought it was very good or excellent for protection.

With Your Electronics
Using lazy passwords
It pays to make the passwords you use tougher to guess. Don't make it easy for hackers. That means never using passwords such as "welcome" or "password." Instead mix up letters and numbers to make for tougher encryption.

Falling for phishing
The e-mail that contains what looks like a link to your financial institution might be phony; cyber thieves will record your keystrokes as you enter passwords, giving them access to your accounts. Don't click on such links; type the correct Web address into the browser.

Running outdated software
Always run the latest version of your browser, which will probably include better security features, says Kevin Mitnick, a former infamous computer hacker and now CEO of Mitnick Security Consulting, a computer-security business. And Mitnick says that when a software company such as Adobe tells you there's an update for your software, pay attention and run the update. Programs such as Flash and Adobe Acrobat are among the most exploited by cyber criminals.

Instant-messaging programs and media players are also targets. To make sure software on your computer is up to date, Mitnick advises running a program such as the free Personal Software Inspector.

For Your Personal Finances:

Banking from a public computer
Keylogging malware that can capture account numbers, passwords, and other vital data is a risk that has been linked to use of open Wi-Fi connections and public computers such as those in hotel lobbies.

Using unfamiliar ATMs
Thieves have been known to put out-of-order signs on a legitimate ATM and set up nearby freestanding bogus ones that "skim" data from your card. ATMs located inside banks within view of surveillance cameras aren't risk-free, but they pose more challenges for crooks installing skimming equipment.

Two other important pieces of advice related to ATMs: Separate your PIN code from your ATM or debit card. Almost 1 in 10 people carry their code with the card, says ACI Worldwide, a payment systems company. And when typing your PIN into an ATM or card reader, use your free hand to shield the keypad from the view of hidden cameras or anyone nearby.

Dropping your guard at gas pumps
Card-skimming at gas stations is likely to increase during summer months, especially in vacation areas, so use cash or credit cards at the pumps if possible. If you must use a debit card, select the option to have the purchase processed as a credit-card transaction rather than typing in your PIN.

Ignoring your credit or debit cards
Monitor your accounts at least weekly to spot and report unauthorized transactions as soon as possible. Use services offered by your bank or card issuer that can help protect you, such as an e-mail or text alert if a transaction occurs for more than a certain amount.

Abandoning your receipts
Many transactions, such as filling up your tank and making a debit-card withdrawal, leave a paper trail. Don't toss away receipts in the ATM lobby or leave them at the gas pump. Hold on to them until your transactions have cleared your bank account to make sure the totals match. Then shred the receipts if they have any information a thief might use.

Trashing your bills
Thieves harvest sensitive data from account statements and other financial documents placed in the trash and use them for ID theft, says Inspector Michael Romano of the U.S. Postal Inspection Service. Shred them first.



6 Ways to Stay Safer:

1. Watch out for imposters
The fastest-growing scam in the past year has been imposter fraud, according to the latest annual report on consumer complaints from the Federal Trade Commission. Thieves claiming to be someone they're not (such as a friend or relative stranded overseas in need of cash to get home, a bill collector, or an employee of a government agency) use Facebook messages, e-mail, phone calls, and text messages to persuade people to send money or divulge personal information such as Social Security or account numbers. Last year, 283,000 people reported that they were affected by this form of fraud, up from just 138 cases reported in 2012.

2. Learn to parallel park
Car thieves are becoming more professional. They're stealing new cars by putting them on a flatbed tow truck, our expert says. Parallel parking hinders access to the front and rear of your car, making it difficult to tow. Also, be careful about whom you bump into at the grocery store, especially if your car has keyless entry and a push-button ignition. A thief with an antenna and a small kit of electronics can transmit your key's code to another thief standing near your car, allowing him to open it, start it, and drive it away.

3. Hide the stuff in your car
Don't leave electronics and other valuables visible inside your car. GPS units are less of a magnet these days; cell phones and laptops more so. Holiday gifts are a big target, so don't stack them up in the backseat. Is there a worse move? Yes. Leaving your stuff in the back of a pickup truck.

4. Change your PIN
Make it a habit to routinely change the secret code for your debit card or ATM card. That gives you better protection against any thieves or skimming schemes.

5. Keep a financial inventory
Once a year take out all of the cards in your wallet, make a list of the account numbers and contact information you'll need to cancel cards if they become lost or stolen, and hide it in a safe place, says Mark Rasch, a former Department of Justice computer-crime prosecutor who is a director at CSC, a business technology firm based in Falls Church, Va.

6. Change your Wi-Fi password
If you have a home wireless network, choose the highest-security option. That way your Web-browsing and financial transactions will be more protected. Go a step further and create your own administrative password rather than rely on a default password supplied by the router.



-Follow these steps for a safer you. -Birdy

National Hotline Numbers for Domestic Abuse and Rape

There is no excuse for violence against women. Yet every day, thousands of women are beaten, abused, raped, even murdered at the hands of family members, acquaintances, and those they love. 
 

Women who are abused are not faceless strangers; they are our neighbors, friends, co-workers, and relatives. Women who are abused come from every economic background and every age and stage of life. You may be experiencing abuse yourself, hiding the fact that you're living in an impossible situation because you're too terrified to reach out for help.

No One 'Deserves It'

If you have been abused, no matter what’s been said to you, know this: You did not deserve it. The abuse is not your fault. It’s hard to admit what is happening to you, but acknowledging abuse is the first step towards getting help and getting out of an abusive situation.

Just A Phone Call Away

There are a number of resources in most communities, but if you have nowhere to turn, two national hotlines can quickly connect you with local help and assistance:
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.

Online Assistance

If you need to find out more about resources and options before you feel comfortable enough to pick up a phone, RAINN – the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network – can link you to a national sexual assault online hotline that's available 24/7. RAINN also has in-depth articles and detailed, helpful information on a wide range of subjects specific to women and abuse. 

 

Resources:

http://www.ndvh.org/

http://www.rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-hotline

http://www.rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-online-hotline

-Remember it is never your fault and you are not alone!

-Birdy

Birdy’s guide for schools on cyberbullying

Sticks and Stones - Defaming Others Online

Sticks and stones will break their bones, but words will never hurt them-right? Wrong! While the First Amendment gives everyone the right of free speech, it does not give us the right to say false and horrible things about others. In the United States, someone whose reputation is damaged by a false statement made by another can sue that person for defamation. (Libel is when the defamatory statement is written, and slander is when it is spoken.) Under rare circumstances, such statements and the way they are delivered may rise to the level of cyberstalking or harassment, considered a crime in more than 48 of the States. 

Unfortunately, since the advent of the World Wide Web, many are taking their grievances to the public, online. They are building defamatory websites and posting defamatory comments online. While initially the victims of the defamation may ignore the postings and websites, they are starting to take action more and more frequently. And kids and teenagers are getting into the act as well. When harassment occurs and young people are on both sides of the events, with a young person harassing another young person, it is typically called cyberbullying. (When an adult is on one side or another, it is typically called either cyberstalking or harassment.) 

Our kids need to know that the online services and ISPs will provide their identity pursuant to the legal process. And they can be found and held responsible for what they say and do online. It’s very important that we teach our children to understand accountability, both online and offline. Schools can be very helpful here. Unfortunately, sometimes when cyberbullying occurs the schools get involved in trying to discipline the students for off-hours and off-premises activities, often to their detriment.

 

Off-School Web sites

Just as kids have circulated derogatory jokes and drawings of teachers over the generations, these digital kids circulate their jokes, insults, and drawings using the power of the Web, where they can be viewed by everyone. They then share the URL (Web address) of the site, so fellow classmates can appreciate their work. Often the URL ends up in the hands of a teacher. Teachers and administrators who are the target of the site report it, and threaten to file a lawsuit or to report it to the police. The school then feels compelled to do something. Typically the child is suspended or expelled, or college recommendations are withdrawn. 

But several times the ACLU has taken these schools to court for disciplining a child for actions taken off-premises, and in most cases the school has lost the lawsuit. It can be a very costly mistake—a school system may have to pay $175,000 or more in damages when it exceeds its authority in this area. So what’s a school to do?  I Suggest the follow this example:

A teenager in a high school, after getting angry with certain teachers and administrators, lashed out by posting some pretty vulgar and insulting things about them on a personal website. He wrote the site from home and posted it online. It wasn’t posted on the school’s server, but was available to everyone with Internet access once they had the URL. URLs of classmates’ sites get passed around quickly, and many of the kids in the school accessed the site from the school’s computers. 

When the word got back to the teachers and administrators, they were very furious. They sought help from the police, who threatened to charge the teenager with harassment (but they wouldn’t have been able to make that charge stick). 

Everyone involved seemed to lose their head, but the school’s superintendent managed to keep his. He recognized that this wasn’t a school matter, and that the parents needed to be involved. He called in the parents, who were appalled and took this situation as seriously as they should have. Together they worked out a suitable apology and a way to handle the case without blowing it out of proportion. The press had a field day. This superintendent stood firm against the anger of the teachers and the pressures of the community. AND He was right. 

Months later he told people that he had met the young teenager at a school event, and the student apologized once again. He also thanked the superintendent for handling the situation with grace. The boy had acted out in anger, and hadn’t thought about the consequences of his anger. Eventually, even the teachers came around. I am sorry that my own children were already out of high school - they would have benefited from attending a school system run by such a patient and wise administrator. We could use many, many more like him. 

An even greater risk occurs when a student is targeting another student with cyberbullying tactics. They may post derogatory things about them online, pose as them in communications with others or postings online, change their passwords, hack into their accounts, take digital images of them and post those (sometimes in altered pornographic poses) using mobile phone cameras, digital cameras and video. The methods used by kids to harass each other are limited only by their limitless imaginations, bandwidth and tech skills. 

The courts in the United States have reviewed several of the cases where the school has taken disciplinary action to protect its staff or the school itself from harassment and another student from cyberbullying, even if it occurs from outside of school. Most cases rule against the school, but some new ones are ruling in the school’s favor on the basis that these matters affect the safety in the school itself. 

What Can a School Do About This?

While taking disciplinary action against a student that does something outside of school hours and off school grounds may exceed a school’s normal authority and land the school in legal hot water, doing so with the consent of the parties is not. Most schools have an acceptable use policy. And the smart ones have it signed by the parents and the students. It typically deals with what is and is not permitted use of the schools technology and computer systems. And, it is a legal contract binding the parents and the school (and the students themselves can be bound thereby once they are of legal contracting age). 

By adding a provision that covers dangerous or abusive actions by a student that directly affects another student, the school itself or its staff, the school now has authority to take appropriate action to deal with the dangerous or abusive conduct. It is the impact on the school, its safety and the safety and well-being of its staff and students that will trigger the school’s authority, not whether the actions took place from a school computer within school hours. Laying out the problems and the impact of these problems on others at the school and the need to protect students, staff and the educational environment of the school is the place to start. Then, add an express consent to the school’s taking action in the event it deems the matter to have an adverse impact on safety and the welfare of students, staff and the educational environment. It’s that simple. But, as in all things legal, the devil is in the details. 

School board attorneys, or special cyberspace attorney’s expert in children’s issues should be retained to draft and implement policies to enforce acceptable use polices and risks management programs. This is not an area for a para- legal.  It’s also not the time to cut and paste another school’s acceptable use policy and use it as your own. 

The school should conduct an audit of its technology uses and needs. It needs to know how the technology is being used currently, as well as the recommendation of the experts within the school. These experts should include, at minimum, the school safety officer, the school board attorney, the principal, disciplinary officer, technology lab instructors, IT department and the librarian or library media specialist. It is best to also include a student representative and a parent representative, guidance counselor and mental health professional. 

Then do some strategic planning. What’s on the horizon as far as new software applications and hardware installations? What is the five-year plan? Does the school even have a five-year plan? If not, what’s the two-year plan? Are their possible partners you can rely on? What about your computer suppliers? Your ISP? These companies have an amazing number of resources available to them to help schools. See what they have and don’t be afraid to ask for their help. 

Once you have a snapshot of what you are doing and what you plan to do, think about what you should be doing, or need to be doing.. Look to other schools for guidance and inspiration, as well as professional educational associations. Then, put your pen to paper (or you fingers to the keyboard) and explain what you are now doing, what you will be doing and the rules. Once that is done, lay out the range of disciplinary actions that might be taken and the parameters. Use simple language that the students and non-techies can understand. When that’s all done, run it by the lawyers to make sure you haven’t done anything wrong and haven’t left anything out. Then cross your fingers, hold your breath and wait. 

I am interested in hearing from those you of who have been through this process, and would love to highlight your work and share your successes (publicly) and your disasters (anonymously). Drop me a line. We’re all in this together. 

-Birdy

FONTS

The right font can save you money

Psst...want to save some money on printing? Try Century Gothic.
Hit by the high prices of inkjet and toner cartridges, we're all looking for ways to shave some bucks off the cost of printing. New data from Printer.com found that because different fonts use different amounts of ink to print, using the right font could save you as much as 31 percent off your inkjet and toner cartridge expenses.

Printer.com, a Dutch company that compares printers and their costs, recently put its theory to the test. The company set up two printers--a Canon inkjet and a Brother laser printer--to see how much money could be saved by using different fonts. Both printers were left at their default settings of 600x600 dots per inch.


Can the right font cut your printing costs?
Using the default Arial font as a baseline, Printer.com changed to different fonts as it put the printers through their paces. The winner: Century Gothic, which delivered a 31 percent savings in printing costs over Arial.

On a dollar basis, the company projected that the average person printing around 25 pages a week would save $20 a year by using Century Gothic for all documents. A business or heavy-duty user printing 250 pages per week would save around $80 for the year. And large companies with multiple printers could potentially save hundreds of dollars a year.

As a thin and light font, Century Gothic managed to beat out Econfont, which was specifically created to cut costs by spewing out less ink. But if Century Gothic doesn't look like the right style for your documents, third place and always popular Times Roman could also help ease your printing budget, according to Printer.com's results.

To conduct its tests, Printer.com switched among the 10 most frequently used fonts and chose a font size of 10 or 11. To better determine the coverage of each font, the company printed documents saved as PDF files and used a software program called Apfill to calculate that coverage.

-Birdy

YouTube URL Secrets

It used to be, when you wanted to share a video, you’d attach it to an email and send it out to your friends.

Now when you want to share a video, you find the video on youtube and send a link — that keeps everybody’s inbox from filling up.

Change the Starting Position

Sometimes, you’ll want to make sure your friends see exactly what you’re talking about. To start the video at a specific spot, you can append “#t=MMmSSs” to the end of the url (link). You’ll replace the uppercase Ms with the number of minutes and the uppercase Ss with the number of seconds in the video where you want playback to begin.

For example, if I want to jump to the 2 minute, 39 second point in a video, then I would add “#t2m39s” to the end of the URL (example:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_HkH8huuzA#t=2m39s)

This trick also works for embedding a video. Although, when embedding use “&start” instead of “#t” and it’s in seconds only. (example http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_HkH8huuzA&start=159). Try playing the following video, it will start near the end.

High Definition

Many YouTube videos are now available in HD. To ensure you link to the HD version, append “&fmt=22″ to the end of the url. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_HkH8huuzA&fmt=22)

Download Video

Maybe you want to transfer a video to your iPod or laptop for offline playback. If you load a video in youtube, you can swap out “youtube” for “keephd” in the URL. If there is a forward slash “/” after “watch” then you may want to remove that as well. This new url will take you to keephd.com and it will give you links to download the youtube video.

-Birdy